First Fit

Today, another milestone (?).  Everyday, we enjoy being with Maxim and we like to know what his interests are, of course.  At first, with the language barrier, we were just content to see what he would like to do and go with the flow.  However, we realized today that we have to be more careful because he can take this as meaning he can direct everything we do.  That would not set a very good foundation for life at home.

When we went out to the playground this morning, Daniel found a new place to play; what looked like a big playpen with a gate on two different corners.  Maxim enjoyed "locking" one of us in.  We would pretend to try to escape and he would make a big deal out of either keeping us in or letting us out.  He also wanted to be lifted out of it by Daniel over and over.  Not a problem and fun for  awhile but at a certain point, this was wearing especially on Daniel's back.  So Daniel picked up Maxim and headed in a different direction.  Boy, was Maxim upset!  He has tremendous upper body strength for such a little guy and he flailed in Daniel's arms, tried to hit him and cried loudly.

Our limited Russian didn't equip us at all to communicate what was needed.  But Daniel held Maxim and walked with him, sat on a bench and held him firmly when he tried to hit or throw his hat and scarf on the ground, etc.  Then I took him and walked with him, just speaking to him in English everything he needed to hear, even if he doesn't understand yet.  As we walked, he was still upset, but stopped crying.  Would not look at Daniel for awhile, would rather do something for himself than have to ask "please", etc.  After about fifteen minutes of gradually quieting back down and watching Daniel and I continue to play in different ways, he joined us again, and his happy self returned.

A learning experience for all of us.  I don't know what to think of different psychology writings, but some say it's a good sign in a way when a child shows that much emotion because it indicates they are starting to feel safe with their new parents.  Maybe that's true.  After we got past this scene outside, we enjoyed the rest of the visit.

Another type of encounter which can be perplexing for those entering an orphanage, including us, is dealing with other children.  The more time we spend here, and the more Maxim calls us Papa and Mama, the more other children hear this and want to connect.  Sometimes, these are children who crave wrestling with Daniel (not a bad thing), but today it turned into a frenzy of violent hyperactivity with two of the boys in  particular.  One started throwing heavy wooden objects at Daniel, trying to demand his attention and not understanding any balance in how to do so appropriately.  They really wanted to be with Daniel but we couldn't stay in the middle of it so we had to send the boys back with their caretakers.  It's unfortunate, because it's really good for them to have contact with us when behavior is acceptable.  The language barrier makes it difficult too.  It's hard to reestablish authority when behavior starts to slide.

We were contemplating more today the fact that every child here needs a home.  Friends told us before we came that this would be one of the hardest things about the process.  To walk out the door with one child, knowing that all the others will wonder why we didn't take them.  One child already asked Igor why we didn't choose him, and asked Igor to find him a family too.

We have a bit of a delay right now with paperwork.  Last week, we got the fax reassuring us that Maxim alone is available for adoption and his brother is being cared for.  We are not expected to adopt both.  However, we have to wait for the official copy of that same paper to arrive here in Kherson by mail, before everything can be signed and sent to Kiev.  The paper was mailed last Thursday, so it should arrive at the orphange today.  We'll see.