Jumping the Gun and Backtracking

The English language is full of such interesting expressions. I've often thought these must be such a challenge for those who come to the States and must learn the language relatively late in life. Where did these expressions come from?

Anyway, I have been jumping the gun and we have been backtracking as a result. Out of fear I have wanted to bring the scheduled surgery (September 11) to a screeching halt. Usually when I am stressed out about something, I stuff it and process it privately and then make some kind of choice. Daniel and I are very similar this way and it gets us in trouble because we don't always communicate our concerns as clearly as we should.

I made phone calls to consult with different professionals regarding Rolfing (a type of very specific intense massage) and acupuncture, and then proceeded to make appointments for Maxim. It has not been unusual as we've dealt with Cyan's special needs over the years for me to get information about different approaches and then press forward. Daniel has trusted me to make good decisions and we both realize that because of his responsibilities as the soul breadwinner in our household, I need to be willing to carry the job of making appointments and getting each child to whatever appointment is necessary for him/her. However, this scenario combined with Daniel's fairly frequent travel and such, can lead to him being clueless as to what exactly has been scheduled for the kids.

Some interesting things have happened lately to turn the tide in all of this. God has been teaching me some things through the writings of two women in particular who have the courage to teach others about proper man/woman roles in a family. So I have been more alert to my own need to look for God's leading of me through Daniel. At the same time, Daniel has been reading a very loving but "in-your-face" book called Sons of Abraham, which helps today's men get an accurate Biblical picture of their responsibilities to their families. As a result of all this, I had not truly been at peace with making the appointments without Daniel's input so I told him all about it and asked for his take on the idea; I also told him about all my fears about the upcoming surgery and how much I hate the idea that the best option for Maxim at this point really does mean removing certain bones entirely. Over the same weekend, Daniel brought us all together for a family meeting and openly confessed that he has been weak as a leader in our household and that sometimes when I make decisions he hasn't been pleased with, it's because he didn't address it himself in the first place, so I kind of had to make the choice on my own. Daniel apologized and asked our forgiveness and encouraged all of us to be more open when we need help with anything or have something bothering us. This was such a powerful thing for him to do. After that, we were able to talk about everything together, look at the results of various longterm studies of patients who've already experienced the particular surgery Maxim will have, etc. Together, we decided to go ahead with the surgery as planned, and cancel the alternative treatments for the time being. After exploring those more fully, we agree that the Rolfing and acupuncture will probably have greater benefit for Maxim during his rehabilitation after surgery. I can't tell you what a relief it is to work as a team. Just imagine a really long sigh of peace.

On a different note, Belinda came to see us yesterday. She is our adoption caseworker and it was time for her second follow-up visit since Maxim has been home. It has now been almost seven months. Hard to believe. Belinda asked us questions, observed Maxim, played with him, and asked him lots of questions. She also asked the kids and I what have been the greatest things as well as the most difficult in our adjustment since the adoption. Frankly, it has been easier to answer the second part of that question lately since Maxim's strong will has been openly expressed more frequently. We are very much dealing with the effects of Maxim spending his early years in an orphanage where there were few caretakers in ratio to children and although they were cared for and there was some definite discipline/order maintained, no doubt, certain issues that an parent would surely have corrected were let go because there wasn't the time or energy to address them. For example, if a child didn't feel like staying in class during school time, they were allowed to leave and do their own thing. As I juggle the needs of each child, I'm trying to recognize that Maxim will not always understand the decisions/disciplines/boundaries we make for him right now and we must be patient with him while also teaching him he is not the center of our household and rules/obedience do matter. I am simultaneously trying to balance my occasional anxiety about how much catching up he has to do with the fact that the most important thing is to nurture in him a confidence in God, in our love for him, and a love of learning. No matter what he's already missed, there is no way we can backtrack and do those days over. We have to pray for the wisdom to start with today, and make the most of the days ahead. Was it Paul or Peter who wrote "forgetting what is passed, I press forward"? Yes, I know we cannot forget what Maxim's early life was like; it will always be a part of him and we don't pretend something different. However, in God's graceful hands, we won't dwell on the past or let it excuse pursuing less than the best from today on.

A LITTLE HUMOR - Last night I had a funny dream that was strangely encouraging. We had just moved into a house at the top of a hill with a curving road descending into the neighborhood. As I was putting things away, I glanced outside, I saw Maxim exploring the neighborhood on his belly ( his occasional mode in real life, although he is primarily up on all fours these days). I was at ease with this as he appeared safe and I was glad he wasn't afraid to explore a new place. A little while later, I glanced out again just in time to see an amazing spectacle. Remember the old style double wide garage doors that were just one big panel you had to raise up? Well, I saw Maxim just as he crawled smoothly onto the end of one of those down the street and rode on it as it raised up. He then crawled smoothly off onto the roof and place a big load of laundry on the steep roof, which already had a lot of clothing on it. Then, to my horror, Maxim lost his balance and fell off the roof. I needn't have worried, though, because he landed in a nice soft pile of laundry that had not yet been delivered to the roof. Too funny. Don't even ask me about the significance of a dream involving a lot of laundry. I was just smiling when I woke up because the whole scenario summarized the best and the most difficult things in loving Maxim. He is very inquisitive, stubborn, brave, persistent, confident, naive, smart, funny. As with any child, the things you love most can also irritate the most depending on the context at the moment. May God continue to give me and all moms (dads too) the patience and perspective to bring out the best in our kids and direct their strengths and weaknesses to good end.

Here is an excerpt from Maxim's bedtime prayer this evening: "...thank you Sydney lady dog, thank you Sydney good dog dog, thank you dog food....." One of the very best things about being a parent is getting to hear kids pray. It's a happy treasure to tuck away at the end of the day.