Two Remarkable Boys and a Must Read

I am writing while everyone else is still sleeping or already on the road for the day (Daniel is headed to Atlanta for the week).

Sometimes, as life goes on, I can forget the markers of how blessed we have been. I can forget how much we have. Not necessarily tangible, but just by being here at all, we have enough, or access to enough. Sometimes we just don't help each other recognize it very well. Sometimes we ourselves don't appreciate it, so someone else never sees, through us, how blessed they are as well.

Two reminders stand out to me lately. First, I read a book over the last couple of weeks that is hard to get off my mind. It is called The Boy from Baby House 10. It is an amazing, extremely well written account of one boy who survived the Russian orphanage system. It is an important read for adoptive parents whose children came from the post-Soviet countries, and it is an incredible testimony of how God really does know where each person is on the planet and He will truly move mountains to rescue us. Miracle of God is the only way to explain how this boy was lifted out of that setting and set on his feet in a loving home in Pennsylvania. Read it to understand the effect of institutionalization, read it to understand some of the idiosyncracies and mind-sets of the post-Soviet countries which affect how their orphans are cared for (or not), and read it to see the beautiful work of God's hand which transcends the failings of people. If you have already completed an adoption from a post-Soviet country and your child has been home for awhile, this book may very well rekindle your passion for children in these areas, and certainly re-ignite gratitude to the Father that He rescued your child as well. Some orphanages are better than others. Some of the people who work in these orphanages do care about the children and are trying to nurture them. Some children in these places are getting three meals a day. But don't be fooled. It is not a system that breeds hope or vision in these kids. They are in survival mode, scrambling for attention and love and some sense of why they even wake up in the morning. So read the book, that you not be among those who no longer see and appreciate and focus on what we do have instead of what we don't have. So you won't be among those who never look out to see what someone else is missing and needing.

My other reminder of how good we really have it is just watching Maxim in his spica cast. He is so resilient and good natured, for the most part, even in this stiff, plastic-lined case which surrounds him at the moment. I can learn from that.

Aside from the context of his broken leg, I just see Maxim growing in his understanding of the language, in his ability to connect with others and build friendships without thinking he has to be the boss anymore, not being afraid of thunder storms anymore. He is very persistent to observe what's going on around him, sometimes bordering on nosy, and soaking in information. And I love his singing. He definitely loves music. He truly has not let his current circumstances get him down. And even if we were to find ourselves going through this again, with multiple surgeries still projected, I have to keep proper perspective. We are going through all of this because God Himself saw a little boy in Ukraine and saw fit to pick him up and set him in our family, supplying us with everything we have needed to embrace him and take care of him. God is good. God is good. God is good.

Speaking of Maxim, we had an interesting turn of events. The Wednesday before last, I took him in for his official post-op check with the specialist. X-rays were taken and then we waited for her to come in. She put up the pictures and said there was no remarkable change in the bone. Barely any improvement since the surgery to set it. She remarked about the length of time he would be in the cast, in passing. Twenty-one weeks! I couldn't believe it. No one had said a word about this to us. I had been assuming that it would be about eight weeks like his time in the spica cast after the hip reconstruction last year. But no, she really said twenty-one weeks. I just looked at her and said I knew it would not have changed the length of time but it would have been very nice to be clued in from the beginning.

Anyway, she knew we had some travels planned and we talked about all of that as well.
We are flying out to Washington State for a wedding in August, and Sukkot is coming up at the end of September this year. We'll be driving down to Missouri for that. The cast does not prevent Maxim from traveling easily as it is at an angle which allows Maxim to be propped in an almost normal sitting position. As we discussed these scenarios, the specialist was commenting about Maxim's cast coming off right before our September trip, and then doing his next surgery (more work on the right hip) on October 1. Then she just stopped for a minute and said, "You know, maybe Maxim will surprise us; bring him back in six weeks and if I see no evidence of the break, from any angle, at that point, I will take the cast off then." It was an immediate glimmer of hope from the Father, I believe. I had already felt very strongly that the next surgery should not be done without some kind of buffer out of casts in between, so he can use his legs and nurture some good range of motion again.

I believe the Father is giving us some reassurance here. So four weeks from now, may we walk into the specialists office and may the x-rays be beyond encouraging! I know the recommendation is that even if the cast comes off earlier than usual, Maxim will still not be encouraged to get on his feet for a couple of months because of the critical nature of recovering from a break in the femur. However, I know my God is bigger than all the facts and statistics. He is able to raise Maxim above all of that. What a great blessing it would be to escape from this cast during this season of beautiful weather and sunshine. Those are great for his bones too, so we pray and wait. Guess what he's doing right now? Laying out in the the living room singing "He has made me glad, He has made me glad; I will rejoice for He has made me glad" at the top of his lungs.

Meanwhile, Brina is in Driver's Ed. and doing great. She made a terrific Key Lime Pie the other night. Not usually my favorite at all but this was sooooooo good! Thanks Brina for the treat.

Things were going so good....

Well, not only am I going the way of mothers of many and starting to take less pictures of my youngest child, now it's going to be awhile before I have a chance again to take pics of Maxim with his walker. This week, while playing with my other son Joel, his right femur got broken. Poor boys.

Joel is kind of like Maxim's living Disneyland sometimes, giving him rides of all sorts. Joel had just been riding Maxim on his shoulders, as he had done so many times, and was going to gently flip him back down to the floor, hanging on to him the whole time. However, this time, when Joel quickly lifted Maxim up off of his shoulders, he heard a terrible crack and Maxim was immediately wailing.

I took him in to emergency and as he was saying his knee hurt, that's what the physician concentrated on and ordered x-rays for. However, once we got in there and slid his shorts up a little, we saw the swelling in his thigh. He has a spiral fracture. Then, because of his complicated orthopedic history, they decided to transfer him to Grand Rapids for treatment. So let's just say Maxim had a memorable field trip in an ambulance, surgery to set the bone, and will not be using his walker again until July, easily.

But I can still say God is good, God is good, God is good. When Joel heard that awful sound, he had the presence of mind to not let go of Maxim, so he didn't fall and get hurt worse. Joel immediately crumpled to the floor crying, apologizing and praying for his little brother. It gave me a window into his heart; that even though they sometimes irritate each other as will happen with siblings on occasion, he really loves Maxim and would never want to hurt him. I felt bad because when Maxim asked if he was going to have a big cast (spica) or little cast, I assured him that it would just be a little one, only on his leg. However, the doctor opted for the spica cast, to immobilize both of Maxim's upper legs, and I thought for sure Maxim would be angry when he woke up from surgery. He wasn't at all. He has had such a good attitude and has also been sleeping really well, a definite answer to prayers.

Joel was happy when I put Maxim on the phone to talk to him. "Maxim, do you still love me?", he asked.

Maxim just wanted to talk about the cool movie he was watching. TV is a big deal to him since we don't have one at home.

Joel said, "That's great Maxim, but do you still love me?"

"Yup." as the reply.

Joel was soooo relieved.

I would not wish this on anyone, but I see blessings in it already. I met and could pray for people I wouldn't have connected with otherwise. Nurses who saw Maxim before, at past surgeries, could see him again and hear about all the progress he's made over the last year. They don't often get to see kids again and know they've made a difference. In my prayer time during the surgery and afterward, God taught me about being patient even when I'm tired, and that it's important even in the thick of care giving to take care of ourselves. It's the first time I have felt at peace to just go take a shower after Maxim was settled comfortably in his bed, and lie down myself to sleep that night. At one in the morning, Maxim was awake and watching Shrek and I said, "Maxim, I have to go to sleep now. See you in the morning." He said, "Okay Mama; Maxim watch movie." I layed down in the bed next to his and he watched the end of the movie. Then we both went to sleep. He had a great sleep that night and last night as well.

Thank you, Heavenly Father, for walking us through the unexpected and showing us bright spots within it.

The Walker Is In the Building

Maxim's walker finally came! After a wait of about eight weeks, easily. I've explained it before, but our insurance for Maxim works in this manner:

A claim is first submitted to our primary insurance, which Daniel has through work.
Whatever the primary insurance will not fully cover is then submitted to our state insurance for disabled children. So more people involved equals longer wait. I don't remember such a long wait for equipment with Cyan and all of her CP paraphernalia years ago, but I guess I would rather have the state go over our claim with a fine-toothed comb to make sure we're legitimate than be throwing funds every which way without discretion.

So how is the little man with his new wheels? Wonderful! The walker was delivered by UPS this past Friday. We had guests over for Shabbat dinner (Uncle Timothy and Aunt Shannon who Maxim really likes to see). Maxim wanted to make extra trips to the bathroom during the meal just so he could use the walker.

On Shabbat, we took the walker to church with us figuring he would enjoy it part of the time. He used it all day long, with the exception of lunch time after the service and inside Grandpa and Grandma's house in the evening, since they have white carpet and Maxim had already used it outside.

On Sunday, he spotted Daniel's Uncle Roy and Aunt Laurie out for a walk with their dog. They came over for a moment as he was walking up the sidewalk and agreed he should walk right over for a visit when they returned. He sat outside watching until they were finally back and made the trek across the street with me. They presented him with a little beach chair they thought he would enjoy and he sat their eating hot buttered corn in a bowl while informing them that he really likes their blue house and is going to come live with them. He still believes that if he tells enough people what he wants that he will always get it. So much for that plan. He will still be living with Papa and Mama.

I know it's pitiful that I don't have a whole slew of photos for this occasion. It really is exciting to see him standing his tallest and taking off. Today, for the first time, I had to tell him to slow down and just walk. He already has the desire to take off running toward whatever appeals to him. So I guess you can say we're off and running.

Praise God, the Most High, our Heavenly Abba Daddy! Thank You for some wind in our sails!

The View from Today

After a long hiatus, here I am writing again. It's good to be back.
So what might you find in a home that is now one year and three months down the pike from an international adoption?

Here's a snapshot of our home at the moment. Maxim is holding his own and gaining in every way. He has gone from 31 pounds when we brought him home in January 2009, to 40 pounds today. He continues twice weekly physical therapy sessions to build up strength, endurance and flexibility. He has learned how to ride a trike and we are anxiously awaiting the arrival of his walker. He has been working really hard with the one available at therapy and the order is taking a really long time to get through all the insurance hoops. Having said that, I feel so blessed that we are where we are. Michigan has a very generous state insurance for kids with disabilities up to at least age 17, depending on the severity of their condition. Whatever our primary insurance does not cover completely, the state insurance takes care of. It is, I believe, one example of a good use of taxes. It saves many families from having to choose whether or not to provide a special needs child with what they really need or not. At the same time, the state does not want to waste the money so they take a long time to evaluate orders so only real needs are tackled.
Anyway, we are in the wait for Maxim's wheels. He is also making good progress in his schooling now. The day before yesterday, he read to me for the first time. He is very good at word searches, I Spy, and Where's Waldo? type things. I'm excited, as well, that he is getting up and crawling in a good pattern, when walking is not an option. I know that patterning is very important, even for a child who can't get on his feet at all, because it's intricately connected to how we process all kinds of information. For example, it has been proven that children who don't learn the proper patterns of movement for crawling have greater difficulty with reading later in life.

Cyan continues to grow too. She is eighteen and still finding her way with CP as part of the picture. We are experimenting with making videos of her worship dance for YouTube. I can't find much in the way of special needs dancers out there, but I know that it's an inspiration to watch Cyan. It's one of the times she feels most free and it touches others to see how physical limitations don't have to hold us back from praising the Father. As Cyan enters adulthood, I find myself second guessing myself a lot regarding choices we've made for her education and care over the years. I know all parents second guess themselves along the way, but maybe we parents of special needs kids are worse about it. I can only say, it crosses my mind more often in the last few months that maybe we didn't make all the best choices for Cyan, so what is best now? To her advantage now, I am more focused these days on not only looking at the options available for her, but also (and more importantly) asking the Heavenly Father for wisdom and actually expecting Him to lead us. He really is faithful to direct us beautifully when we acknowledge Him in everything we do. That's what He promised He would do. One of Cyan's favorite things to do besides dancing, is making videos. She bought a Flip video camera a couple of months ago, after looking for a long time for something easy for her to use with only one easily functional hand. I recommend this camera highly. Anyone can use it with one hand and the flip-out drive makes is extremely simple to load video on your computer. She has really enjoyed it.

Brina is on the mad dash to finish up this school year which has been very full for her. She has blossomed in her fiddling, her braces are a thing of the past, and braved debate class, even though she never would have chosen it. It's been a good way to stretch her, as she is definitely the most shy of all our kids. She is also finishing up College Plus Prep, which is a great Christian organization which coaches high school students to CLEP out of as many college course as possible so they can get their degrees sooner and at a lower cost. At this point, Brina is not sure she wants to actually go away to college, but this allows her to further her education at that level in the mean time.

Joel continues to thoroughly enjoy the trumpet. The concert band is in will be participating in will be at State Festival at the end of the month, as will Symphony Orchestra where Brina plays violin. Their Spring concerts are on back to back evenings next week. Too bad Daniel has to be in Germany for a show, so he'll miss it this time. Joel bought a camera too and is clicking away at anything and everything. His camera also impresses me, as Cyan's did. It takes both video and still shots; especially good for arranging panoramas and a terrific zoom. Joel is also doing College Plus and is now the tallest individual in our household. Daniel was especially bummed to find this out right before his travels. Seems such a short time ago (no pun intended) that we were peering down at all our children. Oh well, such is life.

We are all excitedly anticipating the year ahead. God has opened the door wide for us to buy a ten-acre parcel of land about thirty minutes south of our present home, with a vision to grow good food, raise some animals, bond even more thoroughly as a family, and stay completely open to any way God wants to bless others through the place too. We close on the land May 12.

Daniel has more international travel ahead after Germany. Canada in May and Israel in June, as it stands right now. The teens and I are looking into an opportunity to serve in Haiti while Daniel is away in Israel. Maxim will most likely spend that time at Grandpa and Grandma's house, as he loves being there (anticipating a ride or two on the tractor) and the sights and sounds of Haiti at the moment would be too much for him to process yet. It may be for us too, but God has been impressing on us that it is important for us to see what others experience from day to day so we can learn from them, help them and also more fully appreciate all that we have.

The icing on the cake, as far as travels, will be seeing my oldest niece, Naomi, walk down the aisle out in Washington State on August 8.

Wow, what a year this will be!

So you see, life post-adoption is about much more than adjustment and surgery recovery and such. That is just one important thread in the giant fabric of our family and all that God is doing in it and through it.

15, 20, 35, 46, 77

I promise these numbers have nothing to do with a lottery. They are not the "get rich quick" numbers of the day, but we feel rich because of them. They are the numbers of seconds that Maxim has stood with only his crutches and no other assistance on different occasions in the last couple of weeks. Progress little by little. On January 14, he took just a few steps, both at home and at therapy. Although he has taken no steps with the crutches alone since then, we are so encouraged. On November 10 last year, I was praying for him and asking God about his walking; wanting to know, as his mom, what Maxim can hope for. As I was praying, God impressed on me that Maxim was going to walk on January 14. I hesitated to tell anyone but our household about it, specifically, because I have heard so many people say they heard times and dates from God about all kinds of things, and they have been wrong. I don't like to get into discussions about when someone thinks something is going to happen, and the speculations that can swirl around. I apologize now, for not being more courageous in sharing the gift I received of encouragement from the Heavenly Father, right down to the date. I was pridefully afraid of being looked at as some kind of wacky woman instead of concentrating on "Look what God is about to do! Watch this!" We need to hear each other's testimonies of how He is working in our lives, so we don't forget He is the same awesome One who has always performed miracles and will never stop. Anyway, when I heard what I heard (in distinct thought rather than audible) back in November, I went ahead and wrote it down in ink in my prayer diary and began to hope and look forward. At the time, Maxim wasn't even out of his last casts yet, so I knew it could only be by God's help. On January 13, I started to feel anxious. I felt like I needed to wrestle and remind God what He said; sort of fight for Maxim. But at a prayer meeting that night, the thing that kept coming up in conversation and the prayers I heard was "Be still and know that I am God". We need to be quiet and see what God will do sometimes. And trust the promises He has already made. He is not a liar. So I began to relax. The next day, Maxim took those first steps. Both times, I or the therapist had our hands in contact lightly with the crutches but knew that Maxim was absolutely doing everything. The thing is, because he saw that we were still touching the crutches, I don't think he really gets what he accomplished. He sure understood, last night, however, when he stood for Papa for 77 seconds. It was even while he wasn't feeling terrific (he has an ear infection) and the dog hurried by and startled him. He maintained his balance and began to beam. What do you think you can't stand in the middle of? God is right there to steady you and let you know that someday you really will be able to throw away all of your crutches and stand on just the Rock. Isn't that an awesome thing to look forward to? Let your heart rest in that today. And when those crutches do fall away, and you realize what you can do in Him, turn around and tell someone else your story.