Post-Op Check

Yesterday was Maxim's first post-op check with Dr. Reinhart. It has been 1 1/2 weeks now since the hip reconstruction. The x-rays look very good but did confirm the doc's gut feeling that they will need to go back in later, sometime in the next 6-9 months. At that point, Maxim's femur, which was shortened, will have healed well and it will be time for the plate in it to come out. This will be the perfect time to go back in and further shape a sort of shelf on his right hip socket so that there will be the best cap over his femur as it fits in there. Right now, everything is just barely in place there, and Dr. Reinhart wants to "tweak" it so dislocation is no longer a worry. Okay, that's all very wordy, but basically it all looks very good after just one surgery. Maxim is a work in progress, and we are happy with the achievements so far.
We are scheduled to go in on June 30 for removal of this cast. Yeah! Somehow, knowing it will be in June is a psychological boost to this Mama. A blessing to Maxim as well, since we will most likely avoid the hottest days of the summer.
Although the spica cast, which extends from mid-rib all the way to the toes, limits Maxim a lot, he is able to roll himself over (but needs help often to get back in the other direction). He can scoot himself forward on his belly a little; for example to adjust position on his bed of pillows while resting on the floor, or reaching for an object a very short distance away from him. We are thankful for any mobility independence he has at the moment but concerned about how he is sort of disappearing. Maxim's greatest strength has always been in his upper body because that is what he has used to do everything. Incredible abs from hauling himself up and down off of furniture, arm strength from the same thing plus propelling himself on the floor, etc. From lack of motion aggravated (necessarily) by the casting, he is losing any muscle mass left in his legs (very little even when we brought him home) and we are noticing his arms decreasing in size. He does not have nearly the appetite he had when we first brought him home so I have to be careful that whatever does go in is both enjoyable and most beneficial for healing and strengthening this little guy. It's not that he has been completely refused to eat in any abnormal way (only when he wants to keep playing or when he is not feeling good to begin with) but he just doesn't want the quantity he did at first. In the beginning, he would observe how much Daniel ate and if he took seconds, and want the same portions. Maxim would ask for as much as Daniel had and put it all away. Now he seems to have a more appropriate guage for when to stop (with the exception of the day one of the older kids left a candy basket friends had given Maxim just a little too close, and he ate five different items before I realized what was going on).
Anyway, if you have suggestions for putting great nutrition into Maxim, I am open to ideas.


Here is Maxim waiting for Papa so they could go on a bike ride together on Memorial Day. Daniel made the trailer for Cyan originally and created a special harness to keep Maxim in.


Here are some things I notice as we are into Maxim's fifth month in America.

1. He still resorts to rocking himself for comfort occasionally. I take it as my cue to cuddle a little, chat or rub his back. Something that lets him know there are others who can comfort him. He is not alone anymore.
2. He is still looking to see if no means no. Does it only stand when Mom says it but not Dad? He tests this regularly.
3. When he cries, which is not very often, it is very much like a small baby. Cyan, his big sister, has a certain infantile startle reflex that has remained becuase of her cerebral palsy. Things that would not make the typical seventeen year old jump out of their skin still cause her to do so. Maxim does not have this startle reflex but his body language when he cries is sort of infantile. He curls up his fists, stiffens up and and the sound is not exactly like a newborn by any means but not what you might expect from an almost seven-year-old either. I can't quite put my finger on it, but when an older child or adult cries, they usually move somehow and there is some kind of obvious release achieved and then the crying subsides. In Maxim, and in little babies, there is sort of the winding up for the big cry, but they almost need some kind of encouragement to let it out and then actually relax again. Does that make sense? Anyway, of course, I hope Maxim feels the need to cry as little as possible, not because I don't want to put up with it, but because I wish him as little sorrow as necessary.
4. Maxim really likes to help, even in the spica cast. We have figured out places to put the blender, mixer, etc. so he can reach them and help with baking and other food prep. I am learning, the same way we are continually learning with Cyan, that there are a million things the disabled can accomplish. We must not be too quick to say no when they want to participate in some activity, out of some crazy assumption about what they are and are not capable of.
5. While he does not hide it if he's mad about something, he very rarely holds a grudge for long.
6. He is listening to and watching EVERYTHING.
7. He remembers the names of relatives he has not even met face to face yet (i.e. G'mo and Uncle Dean) and thanks God for them in almost every prayer.
8. Riding in the van while lying on his back in the special sling, he can still tell when we have made the turn onto our street.

Pain meds are down to about ten hours apart, if that, so considering how recent surgery was and all that they did, even into bone, Maxim is doing really well. I do sometimes wonder how much is the pain meds, how much is a truly high pain tolerance, how much is just the tough "go-it-alone" coping of a post-institutionalized child, etc. But then I remember Who our Mighty Father is and I choose to give Him all the credit.


Last night, Cyan and Brina had a dance recital. They have been learning Hebraic worship and folk dance for the last two years, with Aunt Shannon as their teacher. The class performed for about one hour solid, with refreshments served afterward.


As Maxim relined in his wheelchair, he noticed balloons from a recent graduation party caught in the rafters above. A very kind dad who happens to be quite tall, stood on a bar stool and stretched to bring them down for Maxim. He always likes seeing them at the store but this is the first time he's had his own to play with. He really enjoyed them before bed last night and wanted them right away when he woke up this morning. Right now he is conked out on his pillows with them. Sweet sweet.

ON ANOTHER NOTE: I recently mentioned my desire to write in a more broad way, not sure of the proper venue. Well, I'm off on another blog. You can take a peek at it by going to my profile and looking at the list of my blogs.

Home

Maxim came home from the hospital today. We have now been thoroughly educated in the coordination of seatbelts for people who are lying down, drive through pharmacy mega orders, and how many dvds an eager little boy in a wheelchair can carry out of the library (ten, with help from sister Cyan).
After running these errands to make sure we have all the prescriptions (pain killers, stool softeners, etc.) and a good supply of on-screen entertainment for his most down times, we came home and just enjoyed sitting outside in the sun. Our newest neighbor, Beth, came over to introduce herself. She is a special education teacher for emotionally disturbed teenagers in the Grand Rapids public school system, and this is her first year teaching at all. Now there is a young lady with a special mission!
Maxim is doing pretty well. I hope we can find good ways to keep him comfie without the handy hospital bed that was adjustable. It's gone okay this afternoon and evening, as we have switched from couch to bed to wheelchair to pillows on the floor. For awhile, after Daniel got home from work, he and Maxim and Joel were all huddled on the living room floor (Maxim well padded in all the right places)playing with Magnetix, given by friends. A little bit of normal.
Maxim has been a little out of it at times with the fatigue and medications. Sometimes if we say hello to him, he responds as if we just asked how he's doing, "Good". Overall, he's pretty alert though and wanting to engage in whatever is happening. Still loves to butt into conversations with whatever is of interest to him at the moment (bowling, legos, Elmo and Cookie Monster). Tonight, he said he did not want to eat dinner and was planning to play on the floor in the living room while the rest of us went to the table. But I encouraged him to come and be with us with or without an appetite. In the end, he couldn't resist having a little something to eat, since he saw everyone else enjoying roast chicken, corn, and baked potatoes (brought by a generous friend). He suddenly decided dinner was a good idea after all and ate very well compared to the last few days.
Now we have no visits with the doctor until the 27th. Unless something unforeseen comes up, we are free of any runs to Grand Rapids until then. A welcome reprieve.
So there you have it; as astronauts did amazing work on good old Hubble over the weekend, tinkering in mind-boggling ways 200 plus miles above the earth, our Maxim was also experiencing a bit of an overhaul, transformed by the blessing of the Father through the hands of doctors with some pretty amazing skills. And if this work in progress takes longer than we expect/wish, we will have had more opportunities to practice patience and compassion, and if there is anything God wants to do in and through Maxim, there is certainly a myriad of opportunities to cross paths with people we wouldn't have otherwise. I am going to believe that no encounter is an accident. Each is for our benefit, the other party's benefit, or both, and ultimately for God's glory if we are yielded to Him at all. So thank You, Father, for however long You take. Your will and your way are perfect.

Doing Much Better Today

Last night was a huge improvement over the previous. Daniel brought Cyan, Brina and Joel to see Maxim after church and his parents came later as well, with Uncle Timothy and Aunt Shannon. At that point in the day, Maxim wasn't feeling the greatest. He was already off the IV pain meds and had not needed any orally for awhile but the discomfort was starting to kick in again. He was so tired to but he always hates to miss what's going on around him. Anyway, he was not terribly outwardly grumpy or anything like that; just didn't engage with everyone as much as I think he was hoping to earlier. Just too out of it.
Later in the afternoon, however, he was doing much better. The nurse agreed to go ahead and give Maxim the two oral pain medicines on a four hour rotation that will keep things even and help him sleep better. Sure enough, he rested very well (so Mama did too) and he is more himself this morning.
He is enjoying some toys that I brought with us (Elmo activity book with lots of stickers, unlike the typical ones kidsfinish in mimutes). He also has a really neat set that Grandma gave him yesterday. It's a case that opens up into a little magnetic board on an easle-type stand. It has a built-in storage area that slides out as a tray at the bottom so kids have easy access to all the magnetic pieces. They provide a deck of cards with pictures of how the pieces can be arranged to make all kinds of vehicles.
If things continue to go well today, we will most likely head home tomorrow (Monday).
Maxim has been quite the trooper. I know that he gets uncomfortable often, even if actual pain is absent at the moment. Sometimes, he grabs hold of the be railing and pulls until he has himself on his side and just holds himself in that position for a little while. Occasionally, I will prop pillows behind him so he can stay that way a little longer. It's pretty much like seeing a big pair of orange scissors open and laying on it's side. This gives Maxim some temporary relief from the monotony of being on his back so much. He has also discovered the buttons that adjust his bed and is glad to adjust it to his liking from time to time.
Last night, Maxim turned himself all the way over onto his belly, hoping for comfort in that position. I asked the nurse if that was okay and she was fine with it as long as certain parts of his body were elevated as needed. Unfortunately, Maxim was not as comfortable as he had hoped he'd be and in the end the best position was still on his back. With one leg slightly more elevated than the other, he was happy to not be completely flat and slept very well.
I know the coming weeks recovering at home will present certain challenges but last night was definitely encouraging and it will be good to get the family back under the same roof too. Looking forward to moving ahead on the road to healing.

First Day Post-Op

Well, it was rough night as expected. Dr. Reinhart came to get us at 6:30 last night to let us know the surgery was finished. So from entrance into OR until her reappearance in the waiting area was seven hours. Whew!

Several tendon releases were completed, and then the intense work of bringing the right femur down into a new socket. They took about three centimeters off the femur to allow it to be pulled down into place more easily. This sounds drastic, and it is, but it's good because Maxim's knees are now even with each other and that will allow optimal stability later. The most complicated work was to try and shape the modified femur top to fit as well as possible into the new socket. Maxim's tendons and joints are so tight in some ways (most likely due to arthrogryposis, which I'll have to explain later when I understand more fully), it was really a challenge to get everything into place and frankly, Dr. Reinhart is troubled. I could see it on her face when she first came to get us and then late last night she came to see me again at Maxim's room. Daniel and the older kids had gone home earlier in the evening (I'm so glad we were all together during the surgery; it makes a great difference emotionally even if we were just sitting around waiting for updates).

Anyway, Dr. Reinhart took me into an office area and showed me the CT scans they got after the surgery. It shows the femur in a much better position, with a plate and screws holding it in place. Dr. Reinhart explained to me how she had hoped to be able to shape the top of the femur better for a solid fit into the hip socket. There just wasn't enough bone to do all she wanted to. So she wanted us to be ready for the fact that we will not only do the anticipated removal of the plate/screws in about six months, but she and her partners may seriously consider further work in Maxim's hip depending on how things heal from yesterday's surgery. Dr. Reinhart had tears in her eyes while she was explaining all of this.

I look at it from a little different perspective. If I thought for a moment that someone didn't do their job, I would be beyond disappointment. I would probably be angry. But this is just a matter of the doctor setting really high and valid goals for her work on Maxim, really wanting to do everything possible, and not being able to achieve all of it yesterday. I told her not to be so hard on herself. We have all gone into this, knowing that Maxim is a work in progress (aren't we all in one way or another?).

Really, the progress of this surgery, although not everything Dr. Reinhart hoped for, is remarkable. Maxim's legs will now have much great range of motion where they meet his torso, there is not nearly the level of tension between his hip and spine which existed before so we don't need to be as concerned about future problems with spinal curvature, and Maxim has hip sockets that are in line with each other. Now the tissue growth will be happening in the proper location instead of at some odd dislocated spot, so we have a lot of reasons to be optimistic that Maxim will get on his feet someday.

Please pray for Maxim's recovery. He has a lot of pain, off and on, as they sort out the best balance of pain meds, and also ran a fever during most of the night last night. Pray for the doctor and her team; especially that they will continue to be reminded that all their skills are a gift from God and He is the one with the perfect plan for Maxim. That's what we want to be in line with.

For those who like to keep up with Maxim's latest color scheme, his body cast is a bright orange, almost fluorescent. There is no way anyone could lose track of him.

Thanks for prayers and encouragement.

Shabbat Shalom.

In the Nitty Gritty

Scheduled for 11:15, the surgery actually started at about noon today. I explained a little more to Maxim on the way to the hospital that even though he says his hip does not hurt, it is "broken" inside and that's why the doctor needs to help him today and build the big cast. Maxim wanted to know if it would hurt, of course, and I answered him honestly that it will hurt, probably a lot for the first couple of days. I could see some anxiety in his eyes, but then being the brave little guy that he is, he just started chatting away about the special things he knows he'll have to look at and play with after surgery. I know that chatting about something "off-subject" is a way of coping for him. It's not that he isn't phased by what's going on at all. Even if he does not understand all that is happening, he is very intelligent and not completely unaware either. In other words, I know we have to give him credit for hearing what is planned and taking it in in his own way.

Anyway, He and I arrived at Devos Childrens at 9:15, and went through all the typical procedures to fill out papers, get blood work to determine his blood type, etc. Dr. Reinhart went over the plan once again and I had a chance to speak with the anthesiologist as well. He will be giving Maxim an epidural after the surgery, just before they make the spica body cast, to get him through the first ten hours after surgery as pain free as possible. After going over the plan, Dr. Reinhart asked if I had any concerns/questions. I had the opportunity to say what I've been thinking all morning. I said, "I just want to tell you that we trust you but we also know that today you are a tool in Someone Else' hands." She smiled and said that she and one of the doctors had acknowledged and discussed that very thing in a meeting together earlier this morning. What a blessing to see them going into this procedure with confidence but no cockiness.

An hour ago, they called us from the O.R. to let us know they are into the hip. I assume they had been working on the simpler tendon releases in the region up until then, and so now they're prepared to go to work on the actual reconstruction of the hip. Right now it's 2:45, so we still have quite a bit of time ahead of us, having been told the total surgery would be at least 5 hours.

Thank you for all the phone calls and notes to let us know you're thinking of Maxim and lifting him up in prayer. Don't stop. The power and healing are truly only in the Father's hands.

Last Day Before Surgery

Well, this is it. The last evening here at home before Maxim's first major surgery. We are scheduled to arrive at Devos Childrens Hospital in Grand Rapids at 9:15 tomorrow morning, with the surgery beginning at 11:15. Dr. Reinhart confirmed that they will remove Maxim's current casts (glow in the dark has definitely been a hit)after he is sedated.

A wheelchair that reclines well and can also be easily folded for transport has been delivered, along with a sling that adapts our present seatbelts in the van for use on a child who won't be able to sit up for awhile. So Maxim will be able to lie on pillows on the middle seat in the van and be well-secured. The list goes on, of things we've tried to cover as far as being physically ready for what's coming.

Aside from knowing that any healing Maxim is to experience will be according to God's will and by His hand, I know we are also completely dependent on the Heavenly Father for peace and emotional/spiritual strength in the middle of this process.

Whenever I am anticipating some major event in our household or just as an individual, I am always moved to search for some reassurance that I've done everything to be ready. I try to get the house in good order because that's always so much better to come back to. I find myself thinking about whether everyone in the household has had what they needed from me lately. Right now, I have been pondering if I have measured up these last four months since Maxim came home to us, not just with Maxim but with all the kids during the adjustment. Does Maxim really know we love him? Has my attention to him and level of patience been adequate? If he had any picture in his mind before, at all, of what having a Mama might be like, do I measure up? Silly, prideful questions, maybe, but that's what crosses my mind. This is a common thread in my thoughts lately, anyway, as our other children journey through the teen years, and there's just a realization that our intense parenting opportunities are not unlimited.

During these last few days, Daniel has been out of town on business. Thankfully, he got home early this evening so we're all in the same house again. He called us together tonight to just pray over Maxim as a family and that is always encouraging.

We have had some really beautiful weather during the last week (with a couple of thunderstorms as well), so Maxim has had several occasions to play outside. He has a certain spot in the backyard where he's allowed to take all the beach toys (shovels, rakes, etc) and dig to his hearts content, as long as all the dirt gets left in that same spot when he's finished. We also hung a Little Tikes disk swing from one of our trees (all the older kids have loved having a swing back up too)and thinned the apple tree blossoms (better apples in the end if you leave just the center "king" blossom from each cluster). Maxim enjoyed watching the ants on the ground under the tree and having petals rain down on his head as Brina and I worked. Maxim just had a really great time exploring the yard and collecting some good scuffs and grass stains on his casts. It's actually comforting that even though he has been confined to the casts for the last few months, he has still be amazingly mobile. I know things won't be as easy while he's in the spica cast after tomorrow, but trust he will still find ways to accomplish what he likes. He a pretty resourceful little guy.

I'll do my best to give updates during the next few days. Thank you again for encouragement and prayers.

Dear Natalia - A Letter On Mothers Day

Dear Natalia,

You and I have never met and most likely never will, unless the Messiah wills it someday. But we share something incredible in common, nonetheless. A little boy named Maxim. You gave him birth and I, along with my husband and our other children, have taken him under my wing. And I am under the wing of the Messiah.

Here in America, we celebrate Mothers Day; a time to acknowledge and honor our own mothers and to be honored as mothers. This year I want to acknowledge and honor you.

I know very little of your story and that's okay. I am aware that you were born in 1977 somewhere in the Ukraine and that twenty-one years later you gave birth to a little boy named Vladislav, followed by our Maxim in 2002. Somewhere before or between these sons, I know you carried another child but lost it before birth. I'm sorry. I have never experienced the loss of an unborn child but I've seen the pain of it in other eyes. I hope you have found comfort since then.

When Maxim was born, you quickly decided to let someone else care for him. Maybe you saw that he would need special help you didn't know how to give and you were afraid. I understand. It is an awesome thing to hold any new child in your arms and know they depend on you, whether they are healthy and whole in the first place or not.

I trust that if you made your decision out of genuine desire to give Maxim the best, God will supply you peace in that. I trust that if your choice was made out of cold selfishness, one day the Messiah will lovingly open your eyes, and you will cry, out of both repentance and joy, because the Master loves you enough to show you where you are right now as well as your huge potential in Him. He loves you right where you are but loves you too much to let you stay there. It's the same for all of us.

If you ever wonder where Maxim is and if he is okay, I hope you come to know the only One who can miraculously reassure you.

I suppose you still have an certain image in your mind of the last time you saw Maxim. Limbs weak and twisted and vulnerable. If, God willing, you see him again some day, it will most likely be when we stand before the King. May you and I and Maxim all be counted worthy to do such an awesome thing. We will have brand new hearts; we will be new creations in Him, singing a new song given by Him. And Maxim will be standing straight and strong and completely confident in the Master.

Blessings to you, Natalia, Maxim's first Mama. Thank you for giving him birth.

Come and See

Last night, as I was making dinner (taco salad), everyone was spread out through the house comleting different things for the day. Daniel has the older kids taking a computer keyboarding course and they were really enjoying that. Much more exciting then the notebook typing course I had them do a couple of years ago; several built-in incentives for both speed and accuracy. Cyan was dancing, as usual, and also talking quite secretively with Daniel about some Mother's Day plan she has up her sleeve.
Meanwhile, Maxim was stretched out on the living room floor, chatting away as he played out some imaginary scenario involving a long plastic chain (100 links for counting/math practice), a toy truck, and an American flag someone gave him yesterday at a National Day of Prayer gathering we attended. Anyway, when he had everything arranged just as he liked, he called to me and then said the first full sentence I have heard from him in English. "Come and see." It struck me as a really powerful. More than just a little boy wanting Mama to admire his handiwork. I remembered that the same phrase is in scripture more than once and when I looked it up this morning (Online Bible is a wonderful tool!), Psalm 66:5 was especially beautiful. "Come and see what God has done; how awesome are His works in man's behalf". I am overwhelmed just thinking that because I will keep this record of Maxim's first sentence in his new language, we will always be reminded in a special way of God's amazing and perfect hand. His works really are awesome, on behalf of all mankind and on behalf of one lone boy, set in a new place for a new beginning ( Psalm 68:6 "God sets the solitary in families....").

Glowing Report? Yes and No

Well, today was Maxim's last casting of feet for awhile now. We are now in full get-ready-for-surgery mode. Dr. Reinhart gave quite a reality check today, as she and the team of doctors have all taken another look at the latest info on our little guy and have to concur that the casting of his feet has produced as much progress as it's going to. In other words, Maxim has truly reached a plateau in progression of foot position. They are no longer going to attempt further correction of position. They are simply going to cast his feet to maintain the progress which has already been achieved, to hold it until foot surgery is scheduled. The plan with Maxim's feet is the one we were hoping would not happen; a bilateral talectomy (sp?). The Talis will be removed on both feet. Picture looking at your foot from the top. The talis is the bone of the foot which fits right between the points of your leg as they meet the foot. Maxim's feet, although much progress has been made, are still positioned in such a way that the talis is still off to the side. So the plan is to remove that particular bone and then set each foot into proper position with pins. This will result in being able to walk still, but not with normal flexibility in the ankle. A stiff walk.

Bittersweet. Of course, we have hoped for more. I asked every question I could think of, not wanting to leave any stone unturned, as I feel I have unintentionally done in the past with regards to Cyan's special needs. Dr. Reinhart listened respectfully to everything I had to say but also reminded me that a whole team has looked at the evidence, and some of these doctors have been in practice over 35 years. They have seen pretty much everything and have good base on which to go with this decision. And I am truly excited to still look forward to Maxim getting on his feet in any way at all and walking. To do that at all would never have happened in Ukraine. So thank You, Heavenly Father.

We are nine days and counting from the hip reconstruction surgery (May 15) and Dr. Reinhart says the foot surgery will most likely be sometime around the end of August. This will give us a window of time, between recovery from one surgery and the onset of another, to take a break from any casts for a couple of weeks and travel if we want to, or just be free to go out to Lake Michigan and swim unencumbered for a little while this summer. When my sister Heidi was here in April, we went out to the lake with her and Maxim expressed wanting to go into all of that "big water". He is such a water bug.

One of the highlights today was that as we were waiting for Maxim's casting to begin, Brina noticed on the list of cast color options that "glow in the dark" was available. As soon as I explained to Maxim something of what that meant, he had no doubt this is what he wanted. So we haven enjoyed turning lights on and off this evening, letting him enjoy this new look. Unfortunately, if I use the flash, I don't get a good shot of the glow in the dark effect and if I don't use a flash in the dark room, I get no image at all of his legs. Sorry folks. The debut of Maxim's handsome night light legs will just have to wait.

Day to Day Activities and Crying In the Night

Latest Picture of Maxim's Feet - Look Back At February 27th Post to See the Progress Made!
First "Signature"

Helping To Prepare the Garden

We continue to be amazed at how Maxim has adjusted these last almost four months since becoming a Campau. Lately, he has been busy in many ways, including helping to plant some of the things in our little raised beds that Daniel built. I am so glad he can experience even a small garden. We usually have several long rows planted on Daniel's parents' acreage but this year they are resting their land so we're learning about raised beds and square foot gardening right here on our urban lot. Daniel's parents brought us some wonderful manure/sawdust from a nearby farm where there are many horses, so we could add that to our sad soil. I guess we'll see how it goes. The thought of having some produce right outside our door is very appealing but I don't think we can come close to the elder Campaus' fertile land on our first go-round. Anyway, Maxim will get to see the whole process. The girls explained to him while he was eating breakfast this morning that Daniel and I were outside getting ready to plant. Maxim expressed delight at growing corn, noodles and chicken, but of course had to accept from the girls that, out of those three things, only corn would be planted here. Then, like many little kids, he wanted to go right out and see the corn growing. He will have to learn, like everyone else, that gardening is a lesson in patience.

Joel shared with me this morning that Maxim cries quietly in his sleep sometime almost every night. I feel bad that I have slept too deeply to hear it. I asked Joel what he does when this happens and he said he felt it was better to let Maxim sleep, but he lies in his own bed just feeling bad for Maxim. Who knows what's going through this little guy's head during the night. I wonder if it's during the night, when he has no wakeful contact with the rest of us, that his mind goes back to the orphanage in Tsyurupinsk. I wonder what he misses, if anything. I wonder what he envisioned when the idea of having a Mama and Papa was first broached with him and how we have measured up. In our busyness, I'm sure we are not always the Maxim-centric household he may have thought we'd be. When we discipline him, as every child needs at times, I'm sure we don't convey everything as clearly as we would like to and he must be confused at times. I hope that he always sees, hears and feels love and encouragement from us. When we are just seizing teachable moments to fine-tune his pronunciation, for example, there are occasions where we ask him to repeat something more than once, not to frustrate him, but to grow his ability to express himself clearly, for his own benefit. He doesn't always like this, and is sometimes not cooperative. Later, though, I hear him stopping himself mid-word and correcting a particular pronunciation on his own. He wants to please, no doubt. I just hope that as time goes on, he comes to know that he doesn't need to work hard to please us in order to be loved. Maybe that has crossed his mind. Who knows. These are just some of the things I have been pondering today since Joel shared with me.

The other day, Maxim was painting with water colors, which he really enjoys. I had turned away for just a moment and when I looked his way again, he had just finished writing his name (MAXIM), unprompted, all by himself. I was so proud of him. After that, he wrote it a couple of more times on other artwork, sending one of them to his Aunt Heidi. Not many days after that, our friend Thelma came over with her grandson Quinten so the boys could meet each other and as Maxim was drawing, he wrote his name again but in a completely different way. Starting at the right side of his paper, the completed writing was in this order: MIXAM. Interesting.

The casting of Maxim's feet continues although Dr. Reinhart has not seen much improvement for awhile. Maxim will be casted one more time this week and then not again until his hip reconstruction on the 15th. It sure is coming up quick on us now. One bit of good news is that our Michigan State disabled childrens insurance has now officially started for Maxim, retroactive to his very first appointment with Dr. Reinhart back in February, so we know we are covered completely for all the upcoming surgeries. Thank you, Heavenly Father, our awesome Provider!

On another note, no pun intended, Brina and Joel are finished with band and orchestra for the year. Brina was in Advanced Orchestra and it was so neat to hear them play at their last concert. They really blended well. You can never get the whole feel for the music until then, as a parent, because all that is heard at home is one individual student's practice all year. Next year, I'm just going to park outside their classroom more often and listen in. Joel's concert band went to State Festival this past Friday and they got a rating of "I" which is the highest possible rating. For those who have not experienced these festivals, it's not a competition. It is an opportunity for musical groups to be evaluated by skilled judges and then rated on several different aspects. First they go to district festival, to be evaluated at the same time as other bands in their section of the State. If they do well there, they are invited to go before judges once again, at state festival, with the best from various districts across the state. So it is always an honor to go to State, let alone get a good rating.
We're always bummed, though, because State Festival means the year has ended and there's no more band for us until next Fall. It creates a beautiful empty spot on all of the Wednesdays on the calendar for the summer, which is nice in a way, yet we miss it.
Brina's Final Fiddle Concert for the Year



As I write this, I have to say the biggest reason for taking so long for an update once again, is I have way too many things on my mind. This blog is meant to be a picture of one household's journey to adoption and beyond; intended to continue, most likely, through Maxim's main surgeries and recovery. I hope that it is an encouragement and mostly a testimony of what God can and will do. It's not about us; it's all about Him. That's all I have hoped to convey. Yet as He continually teaches me and molds me and stretches me, there are things that come up which I think must be written down, yet I'm afraid this blog is not the proper forum. I may be wrong; not sure. Maybe what He teaches and reveals to each individual, is all meant to be proclaimed, interwoven, together somehow. Maybe if we try to compartmentalize what He gives us, too much, we only end up adding to the confusion this poor old world already deals with.

What do you think, any readers out there? As I ponder specific deep social issues, what it is to live an authentic follower-of-Christ life, learning to be a good steward of time and talent and relationships, etc., may I just pour it out here or is it best to write on another blog/other forum? I do not claim to know all the answers to the things that weigh on my mind at times, but if the Giver of Wisdom, who promises to provide wisdom when His people ask, blesses me with even a tiny taste of it, I am afraid I would be dilinquent if I chose to be quiet. I am afraid that too much of what we see around us in this crazy world is due, in part, to true followers of Christ being too quiet. I am afraid to be a part of that and yet I know I already have been. Maybe the extremes we are seeing in policies and the society at large are a symptom of us having been a weak or completely invisible witness. Heavy stuff, but I want to hash it out thoroughly in my prayer life, for sure, and definitely in writing, maybe here.

As Maxim's mom, and the mom of all my children; as Daniel's wife; as a professing follower of Jesus Christ (Yeshua), with brothers and sisters throughout the Body, am I adequately conveying love, commitment, compassion, patience, generosity, diligence, and all of those qualities one would hope others see/hear every day? Can others see/hear boldness and faith and love? May it be so, only by God's grace.

TO KATIA, who wrote a few days ago, thank you for sharing your son's story. I would love for you to send a photo of him. It is so true that some things in life are terrible, but then we find strength (a gift from God) and even start to laugh sometimes in the middle of it all. May Fabian continue to be blessed with courage and strength.