Pictures From The First Two Weeks At Home

Thought you might enjoy some pictures. Sorry it has taken me so long to post any. I am just not very techy and Daniel, who is, is out of town on business. Anyway, enjoy.

Arrival in Grand Rapids, January 13. Daniel snapped the photo as we were heading to baggage claim.

As planned, Cyan, Brina, and Joel all wore green to the airport, and I had dressed Maxim in a green shirt for the trip, wanting them to somehow feel immediately connected when they first met each other.

Way back on Thanksgiving, with lots of relatives helping, this banner was created to welcome Maxim. Here, the kids are getting ready to hang it up for our arrival.

The following Sabbath, Maxim met Grandpa Campau at church. Don't they look happy to be together?

Riding around the house in a laundry basket pushed by siblings, wearing his handsome knee guard "helmet".

Brina remembered her supply of face paints and treated Maxim to "the works". He chose the colors.

The finished look.

Enjoying some time at the computer watching a Sesame Street numbers DVD. He loves to try singing along.

Working on his project in Sabbath school.

Wrestling in the living room with big brother Joel and Papa.

Maxim always looks forward to this when Daniel gets home from work. He loves to be loud about it and shout "One, two, three, pin!"

Having his hand traced by Brina.

Okay, we just got this little guy home, child #4, and look what he wanted to hold for the picture. Hmmm.

Maxim tries to be helpful in many ways. One of his favorites is using the hose on the vacuum, as long as the actual machine is a comfortable distance away.

Being puzzled with Papa and Joel.

Snuggles.

Welcoming Sabbath with sister Cyan and meeting Uncle Timothy and Aunt Shannon.

At the Doctor

This morning, Maxim met our pediatrician, Charlotte Worpel. She is an excellent doctor as well as woman of faith. We are so blessed to know her. She gave Maxim a thorough exam from head to toe and is already in touch with orthopedic specialists in Grand Rapids who will see us soon.

Dr. Worpel said she is impressed at how many things Maxim has figured out how to do for himself and that he is persistent and generally willing to keep trying. He does have many issues that will need to be dealt with, physically, and we will need the orthopedic specialists' wisdom to sort out priorities.

I was encouraged that there is no obvious indication that heart problems mentioned in some of our Ukrainian medical papers actually exist. To be on the safe side, we will get some chest x-rays, but Dr. Worpel found no glaring reason to think anything is wrong. Maxim's energy, color and the sound of his heart are all good.

Although his club feet are severe, Maxim's right leg can be straightened all the way and he does bear weight on it when pulling up to furniture, seemingly without any pain. His left leg does not extend all the way. Dr. Worpel felt that his spine is in good condition and alignment at this point, in spite of sitting with his legs curled up all the time.

We anticipate that in addition to surgeries to correct the club feet, Maxim will also need work on his left leg to allow him full extension.

In Michigan, we have access to a state insurance for children with disabilities (up to age 21) which covers things related to their needs not fully covered by a family's primary insurance. We have this for our daughter Cyan as well. For example, if a special needs child is determined to need a walker and the primary insurance will only cover part of it, the state insurance pays the balance. The only time the state insurance will not do this is when the primary insurance has been unwilling to cover any portion of a particular bill. We have only experienced this once, when we decided to pursue some experimental treatments for Cyan's cerebral palsy. Those particular approaches were not FDA approved at the time (hyperbaric oxygen "dives" twice a day all summer in 2000), so our insurance company wanted nothing to do with it.

Anyway, we feel blessed that although our primary insurance has covered less and less in the last few years, as long as they cover something, state insurance still kicks in and special needs children don't need to fall through the cracks.
Having talked with parents in other states who have limited primary insurance and no state insurance, I more fully appreciate not having to choose constantly what to pay for out of pocket or not have at all. I can't imagine how difficult that would be. The set-up we have here in Michigan is not perfect by any means, but we are still blessed.

Maxim handled his check-up very well. Overall, his whole first week home has been remarkably calm. He is having to get used to some of the running we have to do on certain days in order to get his siblings where they need to go, but he likes meeting other people and seems fine as long as someone tells him where we're going and why. He is very persistent about not being "left in the dark". Explain things to him, and he's good to go.

Maxim is still figuring out our dog, Sydney. He sees the rest of us pet her and hears us speak to her without fear, but he also sees her exuberance and her size (10 lbs. more than him) and prefers to be well up off the floor, preferably somewhere like Daniel's shoulders, when Sydney appears.

Sleep continues to be going smoothly. Maxim rests very well and the only time he's been concerned in his room (shared with big brother Joel, thirteen) is once when he fell off during the night (Joel heard him, comforted him and he went right back to sleep), and once when Joel got up early and closed the bedroom door tight when he left the room. I think Maxim figured he was being left behind and he does not know how to reach our doorknobs. As soon as I realized he was in there crying, I scooped him up and brought him into my room where Daniel and I were having our morning prayer and Bible reading time. Maxim really likes to pray and enjoys carrying around a little children's "bible" given by a friend of ours. Daniel arriving home from work is a highlight of the day for him, because they always wrestle together (Joel joins in as well). Maxim loves to make lots of noise in the process and shout "1,2, 3!", even though he can't come close to pinning Papa.

As we enjoy welcoming Maxim and getting back to "normal" at our house, I am mindful that some families who were in Ukraine with us are still there. They have a journey yet ahead of them just to get home. Other families are freshly home as we are and in the adjustment period as well. Then there are the couples getting ready to travel soon (Debbie and Jerry, can't believe the day is almost here for you. Happy prepping. Hope it's going well). At every stage of adoption, prayer is the key. I cannot imagine how we would do any of this, the delights or delays, without being able to lean on the Almighty. He it is Who has adopted us and leads us through the process of adopting. During the process, families get weary and/or discouraged from time to time, so don't forget to lift them up in prayer. What is brought to your mind to pray over them may be something they've never even thought of, but God uses you to bring it to His throne on their behalf. Isn't it neat to think of how He uses us to help and encourage each other even if we've never met face to face?

One thing I have found interesting in my own adjustment being back home has to do not so much with how I interact with Maxim and the others as how I adjust to being back in the Amerian culture. There is a rush rush rush that I feel the pull of, although we have never been the something-every-evening-for-each-child kind of household. There is a part of me that wants to jump right back in to our own day to day routine (just get back to life) while another part of me is saying I have to give myself permission to be tired and time to process everything we have just experienced. Also, although our home is small and we have always had to regularly re-evaluate what we have and whether we really need it anymore, I see all our "stuff" from a different perspective now. I am in an intense season of weeding out and the kids are helping. After writing earlier that I was looking forward to coming home and no longer living out of a suitcase, I have to say that the suitcase scenario was actually more comfortable than what I sense right now. The amount of clothing we have, unnecessarily, stands out especially. I can't really put it into words. I keep trying but than I have to erase what I wrote because I just can't express it. Americans simply have too many choices available for things they don't even need. Our shopping carts are about six times bigger than the carts we used in Ukraine. That we keep filling them up is kind of shocking. I don't want to be part of that anymore.

One encouraging factor in this is that I lost over twenty pounds while in Ukraine so giving away those larger sizes has a certain sweetness to it.

Having to get rid of things is not the hard part; it's the realization that we have been mindlessly collecting too much stuff that is daunting. The realization that too much "stuff" clouds our vision of order and peace in a way and if we're not careful, it can happen without us even noticing. Having been away from all our things and then seeing it for the first time in ten weeks, I think I've been given the opportunity to see our home as someone else sees it for the first time. I have a lot to learn about organization and about balancing the enjoyiment of blessings from God without being tied down by what we own and too focused on the material.

Sweet Home

You'll have to excuse us for checking out these last few days. It has been a joy beyond words to be back together and to finally welcome Maxim completely into his family.

Tuesday, the 13th, I was up by 3:30, Maxim by 3:45, dressing and eating a small breakfast prepared for us by Valentina. Pirogi with cherry jam inside and a quick cup of coffee for me. Maxim was duly bleary eyed but didn't seem stressed about the day ahead. Within thirty minutes, Helen and our driver arrived. Valentina and I hugged goodbye with tears and Anya escorted us outside. Thankfully, an elevator was cooperative this day. For a couple of days there had been none available so we were taking the stairs up and down eight floors.

As we said our goodbyes outside, I had one more opportunity to encourage Anya to wait for God's best. We had discussed earlier in the week how much pressure she feels sometimes to marry because everyone expects her to right now, even to someone she sees as immature and not ready. So I took a leap outside my comfort zone and used the moment to encourage Anya to ask God for His best and wait for it.

As we drove in the dark to the airport, Maxim was alert and studying things outside and asking about where we were going. I explained as I had before that we going to go on three airplanes that day and after the third plane, he would see Papa, Cyan, Brina and Joel. We would all be together.

Helen insisted on going to the airport with us and staying inside until she knew we were okay. We walked to the nearest window with a Lufthansa sign above it and I slid my and Maxim's passport to the lady. She immediately passed it back to me and said something I didn't understand. Helen spoke to her and we were told I needed to head to some other Lufthansa counters around the corner where Helen and the driver, Vadim, were not allowed to go. Trusting that I would find necessary help there, Helen and Vadim said their goodbyes and Maxim and I were on our own. At the second desk, I waited in line for about twenty minutes before being told that I had to return to the first window we had visited as that was the proper location for taking care of change fees; $200 for my ticket and $100 for Maxim's (because of the change from December 13 to January 6 to January 13). At first I presented the credit card Daniel left with me but was informed this was not acceptable. Lufthansa accepts change fees at the Kiev airport only in local currency or U.S. dollars. Crucial for adoptive couples to know. I had tried to get rid of much of the Ukrainian currency but I had set aside U.S. currency for the change fee as well. What a blessing of wisdom from above. If we had been depending on just the credit card, I don't know what would have happened.

Once the change fee was taken care of, we returned to the second counter and finished checking in for our flight. We still had plenty of time. As soon as we boarded the plane, Maxim remembered that I had told him there are toilets in planes so he insisted he needed to use one. I had just taken him in the airport so I knew he just wanted to explore. Later, up in the air, we made several trips. Maxim was also thrilled to have breakfast served to him on the little tray and enjoyed every bite of cheese, dark bread, fresh fruit and apple juice. At Munich, I hoped there might be some kind of play area where Maxim could work off some energy and not feel so confined but at the information desk we found out there was none. Unfortunately, even the waiting areas at the gates did not have carpeted floors that he could play on even for a short time, but overall Maxim handled the wait (four hours) pretty well. He drew in a little tablet with colored pencils I had purchased and just people watched. The only time he was obviously stressed and impatient during that wait was when it was time to board. I had presented our boarding passes, which had been accepted, and then walked through some automatic sliding doors only to find a very long downward escalator ahead of us. I spotted an elevator beyond it, but a locked gate blocked our access. I stood there thinking that in a moment, one of the employees from the desk would come and open the gate for us but no one came. Finally, when the sliding doors opened to let another passenger through, I called out to an airline person "Is someone going to help us here?" She replied that we could just head down the escalator, which had a bold sign attached to the top of the rail which specified no strollers (not that I was eager anyway). I pointed that out to the woman and she just said to never mind the sign and hop on. I started to think I must be missing something there, but no, it really does not make sense to send a person down an escalator while pushing an already disabled child in a stroller. Anyway, a man who was headed for the same plane, saw my concern and helped me carry the stroller down.

Considering the fact that the flight was over ten hours, he knows very little about etiquette with strangers in confined spaces, and the language barrier between us, Maxim did incredible on that long leg of the journey. We were especially blessed that the other person seated in our section of the row was a man from Bulgaria who spoke perfect Russian and English, so he was an encouragement to both Maxim and me. He pulled out Russian children's books he had in his carry-on, held Maxim up so he could look around the plane, and was just generally friendly and extremely patient with Maxim and all of his curiosity, all the way to the end of the flight when Maxim has pretty much completely "lost his cool" due to fatigue and undoubtedly some confusion about this seemingly endless trip. Maxim was extremely angry with me the last two hours of the flight because I limited his moving all over at that point so others around us could rest as they desired. Also, we had been fed multiple times, quite generously, on the flight and so at this time I had decided that the next time food was served I would decline it for both Maxim and I. I knew we had already eaten more than we accustomed to and didn't really need it and Maxim was also defiantly disobeying me in things I knew he understood. When he realized I really meant it and he was going to miss something because of his misbehavior, he blew. He was one tired angry boy. Discipline is sure a hard call when neither party is able to fully express themselves to the other, yet I felt I had to try. After we walked around the plane for quite some time with Maxim still furiously crying and trying to pull away, I stood for awhile by the back galley, attempting to rock him to sleep (he had only slept one hour all day). One of the flight attendants asked why he was so upset and I shared not only the reason for the conflict but also the fact that Maxim is newly adopted. She was very compassionate and encouraging which was very humbling because my impression of her earlier in the flight had been anything other than those qualities. I was blessed to see I had misread her. She was very helpful and Maxim and I returned to our seats with a little more peace.

In Chicago, the man who had been sitting with us stayed with us all the way to baggage claim and customs. Having lived in Chicago for eight years since immigrating, working the first four there in the airport, he knew just where to direct us. Another blessing.

Interestingly, in customs I met a couple who had also just returned from adopting in Ukraine. They were from Indiana and had a beautiful little girl with them, about eight or nine years old. In comparing notes, the subject of length-of-stay came up. They asked about the delays in our journey and I shared about discovering Maxim had a brother after everyone we knew thought he had no siblings. In this couples case, they also thought their child had no siblings and it turned out she had five. Definitely some things to be worked out in that area of the adoption issue. If the State Department of Adoption does not have accurate information about these children to share with those who inquire, there is a lot of confusion, if not heartache, ahead. By the time a couple is in Ukraine, they have already made a tremendous heart and financial commitment, not to be toyed with.

Once we were off the plane in Chicago, Maxim was very much himself again. We ate a little dinner and sat by a window watching the airport personnel working outside. What a blessing that the weather was not as fore casted and we had beautiful conditions for flying all day. When the time came to board our last flight home, just a thirty minute jump over to Grand Rapids, Michigan, Maxim was actually excited to get on a plane again. We went to our seat and sat for about ten minutes as others came on board. I began to chat with the woman seated next to me and when I heard the pilots announcement that we were about to take off and turned to buckle Maxim in, I found him nodding his head back and forth with his eyelids fluttering and then shutting completely. He was completely out for the flight. Sooooo tired.

Then of course, the very best part. We came down the ramp toward baggage claim and Daniel stepped around the corner, camera ready. I get a lump in my throat just typing it now. Just behind him were Maxim's new siblings, all wearing lime green shirts. We had discussed before the trip that they would do this and Maxim would wear his shirt of the same color that we brought him. It was meant to be a small way of showing him who he's connected to. As it turned out, he was still very sleepy and it was all lost on him but that's okay.

I can't begin to put into words how good it was to see Daniel and the kids. Especially the kids (no offense to Daniel). At that point, Daniel and I had been apart just over two weeks but it had been ten since I saw the kids. I was really feeling strongly the need to reconnect and have some assurance that nothing precious got lost from our relationship during this time. It was sooooooo good to see them and hold them; I confess I cried like I thought I would, but not the sobbing mess I thought I would be.

On the drive home, Maxim chatted away to the kids and kept looking up to the front seat and re-greeting Daniel, "Hello, Papa. Hello, Papa. Hello, Papa." At the house, Brina carried him in and we all explored with Maxim. Joel sat at the piano and played for him. They towed him around the hallway in a laundry basket and just savored finally meeting him. By eleven, though, we knew we needed to rest. Joel went to the top bunk, Maxim to the bottom with all the stuffed animals the kids gave him and the rest of us headed to our rooms. None of us woke up until the next morning around seven. Maxim and I both slept great and have since then as well. Truly have not felt jet lag at all; thank you Heavenly Father.

On this past Sabbath, I was surprised how emotional I felt walking into church, and throughout the service. Just the power of being back together with brothers and sisters in faith who have prayed and encouraged and helped us in so many ways. The joy of being back in this place that has been an integral part of our lives for many years and Maxim will hear many things of God that start him in his own relationship. It's also the place where I remember contemplating one Sabbath how to pray for Maxim. I knew of him, Daniel knew of him, yet we hadn't committed to adopt him yet. I remember when I knew it was the time for congregational prayer and thinking I would ask people to pray for Maxim, without sharing what we were considering. A part of me was still thinking, maybe this little boy isn't on our minds for us to adopt but just to get us, and others, thinking about the plight of orphans and how we can help in some way. Maybe Maxim is for someone else's household. But then I had a tangible feeling of being held back from making the prayer request out loud and a phrase came into my head; basically "You don't need to request prayer for this little boy. You're the answer." Anyway, coming into the sanctuary on Sabbath just felt like coming full circle.

Since being home, Maxim has been amazingly at ease, it appears. Sleeping well. Eating well. Thoroughly enjoying each of his siblings in different ways (it's definitely mutual. All the kids already ask when we might adopt again or if we can at least start looking at profiles from the agency again). Maxim loves to help with folding laundry, vacuuming (as long as he can direct the hose and not be too close to the actual motor, putting Windex on a cloth and washing the front of the dishwasher and stove, etc. Baths are a fun time and today he even met our dog Sydney, who has been away at my in-laws farm since the beginning of our trip in November. Maxim is half intrigued by and half frightened of Sydney. She is about the same size as him and has quite a lot of energy so I can understand his trepidation. However, by this evening he was enjoying watching from a distance as Sydney drank her water and later he reached out and petted her for the first time.

This week will prove interesting as Daniel has to be out of town on business (please pray for him as his colitis is flaring up again for the first time in a couple of years and medications don't seem to be making a difference at the moment) and Maxim has his first appointment with our pediatrician on Thursday the 22nd. She has been such a blessing of wisdom and encouragement over the years with Cyan's special needs so I trust that we'll receive a good foundation of counsel regarding Maxim's needs as well.

We Made It - All Birds Are Back In the Nest

Just a quick note, the shortest ever here, to let everyone know we made it home! Praise the Heavenly Father. I will leave more details later today (it's now Wednesday; our flight got into Grand Rapids at 9:02 last night).

Thanks again for all the prayers along the way.

Headed Home

This is the day the LORD has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.

In my human weakness, it has been harder to say this on certain days in the last couple of months. But I have frequently wanted to say it and mean it. To rejoice, no matter what, is a choice we have to consider daily. Isn't it so much easier, to be honest, when the day goes smoothly in our opinion?

Today He gave us a beautiful sunny morning here in Kiev, though cold at -10 C. Maxim woke up in a great mood, he generally does, and was excited to go in the car with Sergei and Helen once again.

At 9:30, we were off to the medical center, where Helen went in a picked up the doctor's report from Maxim's check-up. They only release this once they see the true passport of the adopted child. This took only minutes and then we hurried across town to the American Consulate. That is actually where I have been running to several times, and I was mistakenly calling it the Embassy. Anyway, there was a huge line of people standing out in the snow waiting to go inside. The majority were people wanting to just visit the U.S. , some were immigrating, and a small number appeared to be American men who had married Ukrainian women and were obtaining visas. As I am an American citizen and adoptions are one of the things that the consulate makes a priority for expediting, I went right in with Maxim. Inside, I presented Maxim's passport (like handing over pure gold) and the medical report. About twenty minutes later, a consular officer went over the documents with me, had me sign certain papers and also verify that my signature on others was authentic, and within ten minutes my interview was over. Maxim and I went down the hall to the waiting area with toys and books, anticipating the completed visa soon. Sure enough, in less than half an hour, I had it in hand, along with papers to turn in when we land in Chicago.

After laboring and wondering and waiting for such a long time, I kept asking different people, like the consular officer and the clerk, "so that's it?" It was just so hard to believe there was one more requirement they were going to drop on us out of the blue. But they just smiled and congratulated me. We are truly finished.

Tomorrow at 4:20 in the morning, Helen and the driver will pick us up and take us to the airport. Helen will stay with us until we are cleared to get on the flight.

This is it folks. We are really heading home tomorrow. Praise God.

The Passport Has Landed

This morning at about 9:20, Helen picked up Maxim's passport at Kiev's main railway station. She has it in safe keeping for Monday morning's appointment. I was writing to my parents earlier this evening that being able to feel truly confident about the timing of anything has been a long lost treasure for the last couple of months. Ukraine is a beautiful country in many ways, with an amazing and complicated history, yet we were so caught up in the adoption, we never saw it through the eyes of tourists. I don't regret focusing as we needed to on adopting Maxim, but it does feel strange to be heading home in just a few days without feeling like I have experienced in Ukraine what I would have under other circumstances. I suppose people will here in the future that we have been to this land, and they will ask questions we are not prepared to answer. I am thankful for the resources available so that after we're all home, we can continue to learn about Maxim's home land. It will be important to share with him.

Yesterday, I received several documents that I can finally read in English and the details are necessary to be aware of but it will be a long time before Maxim's ready to see any of it. That his mother walked away four days after his birth and never came back. Signed him away the day he was born. That he has a brother and does not get to know him for the time being; maybe never. A myriad of details that should not be part of any child's history. How I wish none of this were part of Maxim's story.

May his days from now on be filled with peace, love, security, confidence in those around him, a blossoming relationship with his Creator, and all the things a child is meant to experience. What a wonderful thing it will be to see him grow, learn, experience lasting friendships, and find out what it is to be in a family that stays along side him for the long haul. Finally, someone in his life that is not going to give up on him; instead he has friends and family who have praying for his well- being, healing, peace of mind and so many other things for a year now. Before we were ever face to face. May this be a tiny picture to him of how our Heavenly Father knew all of us and loved all of us before we ever took a breath. If he grows in wisdom from God as we pray he will, Maxim will understand that concept better than most of us maybe.

Adoption is the process of being hand-picked to enter a family (let me clarify that we did not hand pick Maxim; it appears that way to an outsider but he was chosen by God for us). God has hand picked each of His children. There is no way to fully take that in. I posted before about how I understand this a little better after meeting so many here who have not been exposed to the idea of a real God and the possibility of being in a two way relationship with Him. But for the grace of God, any of us who call ourselves believers could just as easily be completely unaware of Him or unconvinced that He is anything unique from the gods of the world. To have Him reveal Himself and work in our hearts and minds everyday, both encouraging and correcting, is a miracle. A miracle. A miracle. If I really get that, I ought to be dancing in the streets like David (danced with joyful abandon in praise to the Heavenly Father). If I really get that, how can I be quiet and not proclaim the existence and power and love of the Almighty?

Homecoming will have its own interesting twists and unexpected nuances, but I am really looking forward to seeing what God has in store. To be His is to be in the perfect hands of the King of the Universe. How exciting is that?!

Just a note to warn all people who will be in or near the Kent County International Airport on Tuesday January 13 at around 9 p.m., there will be an unashamed blubbering idiot reuniting with her hubby and children and introducing a little boy to his family. You might want to wear waders.

Once Upon A Train

Within the next thirty minutes, a train will leave Kherson with a little package on board that we have been longing for these last two weeks. Igor called at about 6:30 this evening to let me know he finally got the passport. It will leave on the train from Khersonn at about 8:00 p.m. This morning, they had allowed him to go ahead and fax it to the Embassy and medical center here in Kiev, so I did accomplish the appointments at these places, but without a mysterious missing stamp I still don't understand, they would not allow him to actual leave their office with it. That's okay. I am just so thrilled that Maxim could still see the doctor today and I have now turned in all of our documents at the embassy. We won't fly on Sunday as hoped since the medical center won't release it's report for the embassy until we present the actual passport, and the embassy won't release the visa to us without seeing the actual passport. Yet I am sooo excited, knowing the passport is real and not a naive figment of my imagination which will never materialize. It is the perfect gift as we go into yet another Sabbath. I think I may sleep better tonight than I have in the last week.

I know Cyan and Brina and Joel and Daniel will all be disappointed that we can't get home on the weekend, but hang in there, my love and my kiddos, homecoming is just about tangible. This has been quite a road, and as a friend recently reminded me, when we are all finally together again, God is going to have to help us figure out what our new normal is. Nothing will be exactly the same as it was before this journey began, but that's okay. It's not supposed to be the same year to year for anyone. We are always supposed to be moving forward, looking for what God's will is as we press on. Daniel has told me that coming home and being home is a challenge, frankly, after such an intense last year. From his discription, it sounds something like post-partum doldrums. Our case worker talked to us about that months ago, letting us know this is a possiblity. after being so focused on something life-changing, it's occasionally hard to recalibrate life after the longed for event finally comes to pass. I don't want to believe I will feel this way, but I have to be ready. Please pray for us as we make this transition. Getting to the point of bringing Maxim home is not the end of the journey. It's the end of chapter one.

I am hoping to continue this blog , with some regularity, for the next one or two years. I have learned so much from other adoptive families online and I want to be a resource for others. It is important for families considering this same step to know that no two household experiences will be the same. It is important to be able to see how different couples handle travel, preparing siblings, working with disabilities and insurance, and just helping a child who has never known family life to mesh with everyone else. We are going to be learning and blogging at the same time, so others will hopefully see humbling mistakes as well as revelations along the way that help us weather those mistakes and become better for the experience.

Hey, I'm sounding like I'm already home. There's a hopeful streak breaking through here, no doubt.

On the Maxim front, our driver today gave him a Rubiks Cube and he has been mesmerized with it (now our hostess is trying to sort it out). I never did get passed completing three sides with those. May Maxim have greater success with it. His favorite passtimes here are doing somersaults off the couch and then being gently tossed back up to start again. When he goes to bed, he likes to have at least one book with him and the Super Man doll. When I do my exercises before bed and sometimes in the morning (push-ups, sit ups, stretching; you would be proud of me Daniel), Maxim likes to make Super Man exercise too. Sometimes Maxim tries to mimic me as well. Little does he know how much hard work and exercise he has ahead to help him with the feet and hip issues. He has great potential though. It will be worth the road ahead to see what he can accomplish in the years to come.

For those of you who remember your days of learning to drive or teaching your children to drive, maybe you have mixed feelings about that. I myself am really looking forward to helping our daughter Brina learn to drive after I am back home. Truly one of the things I can hardly wait to do. It's a milestone for her and I just see it being that helps us all see that everything is changing in our family in good and exciting ways, not just the adoption that has taken necessary center stage for awhile. Joel, can I pleeeeease go on your paper route with you? I don't care what the weather is like. Cyan, yes I would love to go grocery shopping and cook with you. Hearing the kids practice their instruments, and playing the piano myself (I have a ton of music in my head that there is no outlet for until I am home) is going to be a joy too. I am looking forward to Saturday nights at Mom and Dad Campaus. Shannon's dance classes and scrapbooking with my friends is going to be wonderful (or whatever I end up doing while I'm there). Stretching out with a good book. Etc. Just getting back into life at home. What do you enjoy in your family? What have you forgotten or neglected to do for or say to a loved one lately? Do it now. I can tell you there is nothing like lengthy time being kept away from family to make one appreciate these things and long to get home. Savor each other. Savor each other. Savor each other.

Meanwhile, blessings to you all. Shabbat Shalom.

The Passport That Is and Is to Come

Igor just called me. He has seen and held the passport but the office in Kherson will not let him have it yet! They say it is lacking one official stamp which will not be available until tomorrow due to a "holiday delay". Soooooooo, no passport on tonight's train to Kiev. Here is the encouraging thing though; as soon as he does have possession of it tomorrow (may it finally be so), he can still fax it to the Embassy as planned. We might still accomplish the hoped for appointments tomorrow, albeit with a delay of about three hours. The actual passport could then simply be picked up from the Kiev train station (a ten minute walk from the flat here) on Sabbath morning allowing travel on Sunday. Still doable. Don't stop praying and lifting this up and knowing it is possible with God's hand in the middle of it.

As I am sitting here typing, the American National Anthem is playing on the tv nearby. A boxing match is about t0 begin between an American and a Ukrainian. I am not a boxing fan but how nice to here that music; it brings tears to my eyes. The United States of America is not a perfect place but I know I am blessed to call it home.

Whirlwind

For those who were wondering, yesterday was Orthodox Christmas here in Ukriane; really quite secular for the most part. There is a great deal of ritual and tradition involved in the Mass, which we saw part of as we ate the meal. Actually that was the night before last. The actual Christmas day here involves visiting with family and friends and little children singing for treats. Overall, Christmas celebration is not nearly as elaborate here as New Years Day. The Soviet system was very effective in replacing religious observances with secular replacements.

Today, I delivered the "paper boots" to the Embassy as hoped. Our hostess went with me by metro and by bus and we were able to make it to the Embassy before they closed for the day at noon. Thank You Heavenly Father. Last night I was lying awake thinking and praying about how I had a certain plan for today, but even if it all went smoothly and helped things along in any way, I cannot take one shred of credit. Everything that works out for the successful completion of this adoption can only be attributed to the power and love of the Almighty. I want only to get home with our new son and a measure of both humility and sense of humor.

Anyway, at the Embassy they were encouraging about the things I was able to turn in and I have my official appointment there tomorrow morning at 11 a.m. If the passport arrives in Kherson today, Igor will put it on the night train which leaves at 8 p.m. and it will arrive in Kiev at 9:20 a.m. tomorrow. Plenty of time to present it wherever we need to and be done with everything in the afternoon. I am trying hard to be optimistic (although I have not heard from Igor yet, who was going to let me know when he picked up the passport in Kherson for us) without being completely crazy inside about this. Actually, Anya just told me that she called Igor for me to ask about the status of the passport and he told her he couldn't speak at the moment because he is at the passport office right now! He assured her he will call us here at the flat as soon as he has news. Oh, it is soooooo hard to wait.

While Valentina escorted me heroically through every stop I needed to make this morning, Maxim stayed with her daughter Anya. He helped with all kinds of chores and by the time we returned to the flat, Anya had helped him overcome his fear of vacuum cleaners. I think he now wishes the flat were larger so he could vacuum some more.
He also enjoys helping in small ways like wiping the table after meals and folding his sheets and blankets when it's time to close up his chair/bed each morning.

Today, he slept very soundly in the afternoon, having worked off lots of energy with chores and playing and consuming a terrific lunch served by Valentina. Cole slaw, tuna fish on rye toast, carp filets and juice.

We will have some interesting adjustments as we leave the Belokha family soon. Maxim likes them very much (as do I) and he has expressed that he would be very happy if I would agree to live in the apartment above with Daniel and the other kids while Maxim continues to live with these friends. He really believes that if he keeps asking, he can successfully negotiate such an arrangement with all of us. I am pretty sure there will be tears on the day we actually leave. From all of us. This place and this family have truly been a blessing in countless ways. God truly walked ahead of us to put us here with exactly the assistance and encouragement we needed. Yet a time will come to go home, and that is a very good thing; something to look forward even with the attached adjustments.

Just a Quiet Day

Today was exactly what Maxim and I needed; just a quiet day at the flat. I had prayed about learning to relax more in these last days. Although I feel responsible to take necessary steps to finish up in Ukraine, I don't want to forget that the fact that I am here at all for an adoption is all God's doing. This is not about me "getting the job done"; it's about witnessing the Almighty complete wHat He began. Daniel and I talked together before we even got here about how blessed we felt that things leading up to our travel had gone so smoothly. We knew this could not have happened without God's hand on the process. I am remembering that when things are challenging, I also have to acknowledge God's hand in it all. If I never saw any difficulty, if I never felt helpless along the way, I would not have the same opportunity to see His strength. So the bumps along the way can either be looked at as infuriating irritations or the perfect window of time for learning new lessons.

I used to read the Psalms and wonder about how in one he wrote joyfully and full of praise, and in the next was perplexed or angy or downhearted in some way. I wondered about all those ups and downs. As I have read through the Psalms again on this trip, I understand this rollercoaster better. It is the expression of one who is dealing with all of life, transparently, while constantly trying to see God in all of it and pursue a relationship with Him. I hope that as I share things in the blog, I come across with even a sliver of that, rather than a wishy-washy complaining heart.

By the way, I got a phone call at about one o'clock yesterday afternoon that the "paper boots" are ready. Hooray!

This time in Kiev has actually been valuable in many ways I cannot deny and I don't want to forget. Here with the Belokha family, Maxim has had the opportunity, in his native language, to know a grandpa and grandma figure for the first time. He is going to love my parents and Daniel's parents and I trust his relationship with thiem will be beautifully blessed, but I am so thankful that as soon as we left Kherson, Maxim could be welcomed by people who have the grandparent heart toward him. He has made quite a connection with them. Part of me is a little apprehensive about what it will be like when he realizes they are not going to America with him, yet I think it's been a delight too for him to receive that kind of affection right away.

Valentina is an excellent cook of traditional Ukrainian foods, which for the most part consist of ingredients any frugal American household would also use, but in different combinations. For example, she makes a very tasty creamy layered salad with grated beets, carrots, chopped boiled eggs , tuna and mayonaisse. It is delicious. She also prepares pirogi which many of you may already be familiaк with. They are basically a bread dough filled with anything from a vegetable mixture to apples and ricotta-type cheese. Soups of all sorts too. Maxim and I have not gone hungry. In the morning and afternoon, I generally prepare breakfast and lunch for he and I with ingredients I have puchased (although we are frequently offered more of whatever was served the previous evening) and then we share the evening meal together with the family. Conversations have been very pleasant and interesting. The general culture and also the personal stories of this particular family are very humbling. Very few Americans truly know hardship like many have experienced in Ukraine even in recent years. We are, for the most part, at least a couple of generations removed from having $3.00 to get through the week. This family knows what that is like. They have been there, they know it's possible to get by on very little and still be generous. Their home now is small but beautiful. They have worked very hard and waited a long time for each thing of value they own. They patiently search for the best quality they can afford. And they are quick to extend hospitality (in our case, they immediately opened their home to us, having no idea how long we would stay). They do charge a minimal fee, but we feel like the most welcome guests. God definitely set us in this place for this time. May Maxim and I be used to somehow bless them as they have been used to bless us.

For those of you who know my email and would like to write, ask any questions, etc., feel free. I check my email every day.

Last night at the grocery store, I found a soft (except for the plastic head) Super Man doll. Maxim has really enjoyed that today. He has called it everything from Super Man to Maxim to Papa, depending on the game he is playing in his imagination at the moment. I have a great shot of him holding Super Man proudly. He likes to make sure Super Man has proper opportunity to use the bathroom.

Today was a tough day as far as Maxim's stubborn side. Overall, this side hardly ever comes out, thankfully, but he was pretty hard-headed today. Trying to balance the fact that he is six years old with the fact that he is the size of a three year old, with a lot of catching up to do in many ways, I have been having him take a nap after lunch every day. It gives him needed rest and also gives me and our hosts some quiet time. With the exception of the first days we had him in Kherson, Maxim has been really good about taking a nap each day. Today, however, he put up quite a fight. He was what I call quietly stubborn. Playing around on his bed, sitting up over and over, telling me no and complaining. None of it loud at all, but he was just being quietly insistently defiant. So I explained to him that I was not going to leave the room, I would be right there. Usually, knowing this is enough for him to sleep. Not today.
So I massaged his back for awhile. He played around poking me and blinking his eyes really fast, the kinds of things I remember doing when I was little and did not want to have to go to sleep and miss anything. I explained to Maxim that we would play after he had a little sleep and he just became more stubborn. In the end, I told him that I was not going to argue with him but that since he had been disobedient today, certain things that he really enjoys (namely three different containers of treats that were given to him, which need to be limited anyway) would not be available today, tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. This was the simplу way I could think of to show him that disobedience
has lasting consequences. The next days will be the test in whether or not he really gets it. If I had just recognized that a nap was not necessary today, that would be one thing, but I feel I have to nip outright defiance immediately.

Maxim has a wonderful personality overall. So much potential. Often generous without being asked, happy when he wakes up, willing to keep trying when his speech or some other action is corrected by me or our hosts, etc. Like any little boy, he also has a lot to learn. I can say it is an incredible blessing to be a part of it. It will stretch all of us exactly as the Father wills.

Paper Boots

This morning, I became the owner of "paper boots", translated for a fee from Russian to English.

You see, during this trip, Daniel and I have admired the nice leather boots that most of the women wear, and Daniel suggested that I should purchase a pair as a practical souvenir. However, what I ended up with this morning is not crafted of fine leather, does not have a finish that will last for years to come, and actually will not even fit comfortably on my feet. Yet the value of these "paper boots" will extend far past what I could have worn on my feet.

I had to make a choice this morning between the boots I would have imagined and the "boots" that I believe are more important at the moment, for about the same price. Based on my last post, you can probably figure out what I did and what my "paper boots" really are. They will be ready for me on Thursday morning. Praise the Heavenly Father.
Peace of mind and His blessing through others around me means much more to me than other material items at this point. May I not only have wisdom in the choices I make in order to finish the process here, but also not cause offense in the process. I really want to leave Ukraine having been a light and example of patience overall, although I have not always felt it. I do realize that the staff here is doing the job as they know how to, and the time and methods are not always of their choosing.

Sorry no pictures today either. Daniel, did you accidentally take the connection wire home with you? Anya does not have a port that is the right size to directly insert our memory card.

Anyway, I will keep clicking away each day, and post more photos as soon as I can. I got a great shot last night of Maxim enjoying a tin of crackers in the kitchen. Let me tell you, this boy eats with great pleasure. So many things are new to him that all of it is an adventure. It is fun to see him experience things for the first time. I do realize it is going to take some special focus to help him understand balance and moderation (don't we all need reminders in this?) but we can also learn from how he enjoys "the little things" we take for granted. To him, a ritz cracker with a bit of cheese is a morsel of gourmet delight.

Hope the first days of 2009 find all of you knowing you are blessed, no matter what. I heard prayer requests today from people who have lost loved ones, are suffering serious health problems, worried about finances and shaky employment situations, etc. These are real things that test us and weathering them well requires continually going to the Throne of the Most High for healing, wisdom and peace. This last Fall, I really thought I was about to lose two relatives in a very short time. My father and my sister-in-law. In my prayer life, I had to lift them up and also make a conscious decision at the Throne that I will praise God and trust Him no matter what. Neither of those relatives is without illness at the moment, but in the last couple of months, both have experienced His miraculous refreshing in different ways that can't be denied, so I am convinced again that no matter what is going on around us, His mercy is unfailing, He loves us and He is the Giver of life and every good thing. Every day, it really is possible to find things to be sincerely thankful for. I am thankful for knowledge of the One True God Who loves me, family and friends, technology to stay in touch, a terrific new addition to our household, hosts right now who extend themselves in hospitality in a way I am humbly learning from, good health, and the list goes on. If I get on my knees to do nothing but thank God for every way He has blessed my life, I can be there for a very long time. Not because of me but because of Who He is. Isn't that amazing to think about?

Daniel says that now that he is home, some of the frustrations he felt during the time in Ukraine have already faded and he wonders now why certain things even bothered him at all. Like the pain of childbirth, he says I will get home and life will go on and I will not even think so much of the "birthing" of Maxim. I will just enjoy what a neat little boy he is, marvel at the things he accomplishes, pray for him, snuggle and encourage him, and all the other things a mom treasures with her children. The things required to welcome him into our family will seem too small a price for such a blessing.

Blessings on your week.

Yes My Camera Still Works

I am so sorry I have not been posting pictures lately. I will do my best to get to that tomorrow. Right now it is almost time to put Mr. Maxim to bed so I'm trying to be quick on the computer.

Today, I had hope to go to a synagogue service in an area called Podil (northwest east neighborhood in town). Helen, my local translator and Sergei the driver took me there a few days ago and the peoplу were so welcoming and assured me we would be free to join the congregation today. However, I ended up not sleeping well at all last night (too restless) and with our hostess (Anya's mother Valentina) feeling poorly with a sore throat and congestion, I decided not to to wake them for help with the taxi. It would have been so interesting. The short time I was there on Tuesday, I had such an interesting feeling. Even Helen commented on the drive back to the flat that she had an overwhelming sense of peace she has not felt anywhere else, as we stood in the synagogue. Because I completely accept Christ as my Redeemer, Master and Savior, a synagogue could not be my worship home, so to speak, but I did feel like I was among brothers and sisters. Hard to explain. I have have heard different teachers in the last couple of years comment that the Jewish community has a pull to the Torah that professing Christians need to consider and embrace, and committed Christians acknowledge that Christ is indeed the Messiah, which is the piece (peace) missing in a typical Jew's life. So as I stood there the other day, I felt at home yet aware that God has not yet completed the reconciliation of all peoples, tribes and nations to Himself.

Maxim has thoroughly charmed this household. He is generally polite, when reminded, although he has stubborn moments like any small child. For example, he does not like to go to sleep if everyone else is up. The other night, I planned to shower before going to bed. Having already washed Maxim that morning, I explained to him that I would put him in bed, quickly shower, and then come to bed myself. He sleeps on a fold out chair by himself and I pull out the couch in the same room. Maxim did not like this idea at all. It was quite a test for both of us. I want Maxim to learn that he is not King of the World, that he cannot expect to direct what everyone else does, and I especially want him to trust that if Daniel or I or one of his siblings say we are going somewhere but we'll be right back, he can trust us. Maxim does not understand this yet, so he began to cry. I decided to let it go this time. I climbed into bed and showered the next morning while Maxim still slept. When he awoke and saw my wet head, he figured out what had happened and was again unhappy. The good thing, however, is that for the most part when I correct him, he gets over these attitude issues pretty quickly. I don't think that holding a grudge will be a problem for him in the long run.

I am really looking forward to getting him into some good therapy when we are home. The family we are staying with recognizes issues with Maxim's speech that Daniel and I could not as easily discern with the language barrier.
Also, there is a lot ahead as far as surgery on feet, possibly on knees as well, and some dental work. Maxim is pretty tough though. Daniel and I have seen enough of his personality and persistence to believe that he can handle some of these treatments pretty soon after we settle back at home. I feel bad that Maxim is so tiny for his age (basically half the size he should be at six years old) but at the same time, I think this will be to his advantage as treatments begin. We have prayed countless times for God to touch every inch of Maxim with healing and strength so he can reach his greatest physical potential. I believe that will happen.

Tomorrow, we are going to take advantage of the time we have here and just go exploring. I figured out where some great markets and book shops are, within easy walking distance, so I'm hoping to find some nice but relatively light-weight gifts to bring home.

Without going into more detail than I should, I am really frustrated with the translation process of our final documents. Basically, there are Ukrainian documents, such as the new birth certificate with Maxim's new name, which have to be turned in at the Embassy, along with English translations. I desire, and have requested several times, that these be translated as quickly as possible so I can turn them in early, even before Maxim's passport is ready. By doing this, I can avoid multiple trips to the Embassy after the passport is ready. I have explained this multiple times and either my reasoning is lost in translation or they are just determined to do things as they believe necessary. I know that whether they fulfill my request or do it their way, Maxim and I will eventually step onto a plane and fly home. I am just thinking that getting everything that is ready turned in early will allow me the possiblity of getting home just alittle sooner. Hence, my goal on Monday is to go to the Embassy first thing and turn in what has been completed and also take other originals to another translation service next to the Embassy to see if they can expedite the other translations. Daniel, my dear husband, if this sounds sensible to you, please let me know. If you think I'm just being frantic, help me chill out. I just have a gut feeling that I should turn in as much as I possibly can before the passport arrives. I will save everything else I am thinking about the tale-end Kiev aspect of this journey for another time and another forum. "Enough said".

Meanwhile, Kiev is snowy but bright, and Maxim and I are going out tomorrow to just get some fresh air and explore.
The little stroller we found at the market place in Tsyurupinsk (after leaving our first on a train) is holding up remarkably well considering the slushy sidewalks and Maxim seems to enjoy the rides overall.

Blessings to everyone in the coming week.

Blessings in the New Year

Here we are in 2009. Have you all hung up your beautiful new calendars? I am afraid our house is in a time warp at the moment since I am the one who generally takes care of changing calendars.

Remember the whole Y2K thing? Seems like yesterday, yet almost ten years have passed. As the century turned, I was a mom busy with three little kids eight and under, shuttling them to school, juggling what it is to live a faithful life as wife, mommy and child of God. What is that supposed to look like? I thought that to live a life that bears the Fruit of the Spirit required work work work and I could not figure out how to achieve consistency in it. I found that sometimes I could recognize God's peace in someone else but I was not sure how I could find it in myself.

I still do not understand everything yet but I can testify that I am learning all the time. God is great. He is Perfect and Sovereign. He is Love. He is Mercy. He is All Powerful. He is Salvation. He is Peace. He is Hope. He Was and Is and Is To Be. He is Truth. Like the law of gravity, established by God Himself, dictates that when an ball is thrown into the air, it must come back down, certain spiritual laws have automatic, God-established results. It is such a principle that says He is the Vine and believers are the branches and if we remain in Him, we will automatically bear the Fruit. We are grafted in. A healthy branch on a tree just automatically bears fruit because of what it is already a part of, not because of its independent straining to produce something. Yielding yielding yielding. Resting in the process that is already taking place in His hands. Of course, as humans, this is a choice we have to make every second of every day. A choice to yield. Clay in the Potter's hand that does not keep asking what He is doing.

I have, in my mind, been a lump of confused complaining clay lately. Not constantly, but just trying to figure God out. I know we came to Ukraine completely at His leading. No doubt. I do not doubt what He is doing. I sometimes doubt His methods and timing. Pretty arrogant when you think about it. I am one person, living on a planet that is so small it can fit into Jupiter several times, and Jupiter can fit into the sun multiple times. Now figure in the fact that our planets are part of one galaxy in a vast universe containing countless galaxies. God Himself set it all in motion, and chose to give us tiny human specks the breath of life and the Way to an eternal life with Him. He does not owe us anything, yet offers us the Ultimate.

God does not owe me any explanations for the length of this adoption process or the bumps along the way. He may graciously reveal some later, but now He just wants me to RELAX and let Him finish what He has begun. I do have His promise, as does everyone, that what He has begun He will complete. And not miss the blessing in the middle of the questions. Every extra day Maxim and I wait to come home is another one watch God provide for us and work through us. How I conduct my day with Maxim, how I approach the wait outwardly, how I express Biblical principles to the best of my understanding through words and actions, are all being watched by more people than I would have thought. This is truly a place where there are indeed faithful believers, but they are surrounded by a nation who for the most part has no concept at all of a real God at all, let alone One Who desires to relate to and lead them personally.
No concept of that at all. I have not encountered that before. Its one thing to live in a society where the idea of a real God is at least still floating around if not embraced by all. It is very sobering to be in a place where so many have had the concept completely erased from their realm of thinking. At least the time I spend with others here can be used as potential seed in a few minds. Not to my credit. Only God's.

Igor will be going back to the passport office in Kherson on the 8th of January. They have told him it will likely be ready that day and should be to me by the morning of the 9th. May it be so. I believe it is truly likely since our friends the McGowans already received theirs and are now settling back at home in the States (Martita, hope you are all recovering well from the journey and His peace is with you in all the adjustments; congratulations on the completion of adding your new son). On Monday the 5th, I will make a second visit to the U.S. Embassy to turn in more papers I have ready. It means paying a driver multiple times but in the end it will be worth it because when the passport comes, I will only need to spend about an hour at the Embassy to turn in the passport and Maxim's medical report from the doctor he will see here in Kiev. If the passport does indeed arrive in my hands on Friday the 9th, I will not want to waste any time filling out forms I can be taking care of now. I am going to be in "get this done and get on a plane" mode. God knows and He is already walking ahead of us.

So tonight, as we are into another Sabbath in Ukraine, I can rest knowing I am still in the hands of the Father and He has EVERYTHING under control. I will put our chocolate-loving, wiggly, ever-observant, stubborn, humorous little boy to bed and then myself, and see what tomorrow holds. Blessing and delight for sure, because it is His day.

Hello to new and old friends who have stopped at the blog for the first time. Shelly, I hope we can do some serious catching up. Blessings on your long awaited house full. I am thrilled for you.